The call for volunteers is a familiar one in any community. “We need help on this committee,” “Could you be the room parent?” or “Would you consider a board role?” The enthusiasm to engage in these opportunities can be overwhelming. Yes, yes, yes! I’d love to contribute. I thrive on being involved, feeling useful, and naturally, as a firstborn, I’m inclined to take charge.
However, the reality often hits hard. “Oh, wait. I’m sorry. I can’t.” As a parent of young children, my days sometimes feel like I’ve barely managed to shower. Even with reminders in my planner, it’s not uncommon for me to forget important commitments. I regularly misplace my patience, my wallet, and occasionally my sanity.
There exists a fantastic cohort of parents—both stay-at-home and working—who seem to juggle everything effortlessly. They hold titles, attend meetings, and fulfill responsibilities for individuals beyond their immediate family. These adept multitaskers don’t forget appointments they scheduled just hours earlier. They manage to shower and wear actual clothes, and they remember birthdays, sending gifts on time without fail.
Unfortunately, I find myself outside this high-functioning circle. Accepting my limitations was a journey filled with dropped responsibilities and the disappointment of my children. The embarrassment of scrambling to fulfill commitments at the last minute became too frequent. Ultimately, I realized that I could have sidestepped much of this stress with a simple response: No.
“No, I can’t.” “No, I’m sorry.” “No, not right now.” I wish to volunteer, but until my children can manage basic tasks independently—like dressing themselves or pouring their own drinks—I’m unable to assist.
During my first summer in a new neighborhood, just before my eldest began kindergarten, I found myself overwhelmed—wearing one child in a carrier while attempting to manage my other two. I was a sweaty mess, struggling to leave a local swim meet. As I passed a fellow swim mom, I confided, “I wish I could help, but I just can’t.”
She responded with kindness, “Oh, we understand, and you will! Just not right now. We’ve all been in your shoes.” Her words were life-changing; I felt no judgment or guilt. Instead, I felt relief and gratitude for the unspoken permission to take my time and join in when I was ready.
I look forward to contributing more in the future, but until my responsibilities shift from “helping mom” to “doing things independently,” my ability to assist remains limited. Until “clean your room” evolves from a chaotic gathering of clothes to genuine tidying, and until “I’m hungry” doesn’t echo every hour, I have to prioritize my family.
So, thank you to the parents of older children who comprehend that some of us are simply trying to manage the basics. Your efforts are appreciated, and we aspire to support you more as our children grow.
To fellow parents of young ones, don’t hesitate to say “no” when necessary or feel guilty about not meeting every commitment. We’ve all been there, and it’s essential to be patient with ourselves, as finding balance is a process. Saying “yes” will come, perhaps in the form of: “Yes, in about four years.”
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Summary
Balancing commitments as a parent of young children can be overwhelming. Accepting limitations and learning to say “no” is crucial. Understanding from others can bring relief, and while we look forward to volunteering more, the focus remains on managing day-to-day responsibilities until our children are more independent.
Keyphrase: parenting challenges with young kids
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