Before I became a parent, I was certain I had parenting all figured out. I had spent my teenage years babysitting and later worked as a nurse in a bustling urban hospital. My knowledge of toddler tantrums and nap schedules was unparalleled, despite never having cared for a child myself. I would visit friends with kids and offer misguided advice like, “Have you considered insert ridiculous and impractical suggestion here?” or “If you just did insert laughable parenting theory here, your child would behave better.”
My husband and I were convinced that our future children would never endure poor parenting, as we prided ourselves on our extensive understanding of child-rearing. However, once our children arrived, we quickly realized how naive we had been.
It’s a miracle that any of my parent friends chose to stick around while I navigated the tumultuous toddler years. After all the judgment I passed on their parenting choices and the unsolicited advice I provided, they had every reason to kick me to the curb. I now recognize how arrogant I was to think I knew better than my friends about their own unique parenting challenges, especially since I had never dealt with explosive diaper incidents in a vehicle.
To those who don’t have children but feel compelled to offer parenting advice: please refrain. You lack the experience to back up your opinions, and it can come across as quite foolish. After surviving 13 years in the parenting trenches, I’ve learned that when someone without kids attempts to give me advice, I often roll my eyes so forcefully I risk injury.
Unsolicited Parenting Tips from Frequent Offenders
Unsolicited parenting tips can come from many sources, but a few groups tend to be the most frequent offenders:
Expectant Parents
We appreciate your enthusiasm; you’ve read countless parenting books and perhaps aced your Lamaze class. However, when you see me managing my children at the playground, kindly keep your thoughts to yourself. I’m aware that articles advocate for exclusively homemade, organic baby food. My child, however, will only consume red Goldfish crackers, and for three glorious minutes of silence, I’ll take that bargain. You may have peace now, but come back in six months when you’re sleep-deprived and emotional. I promise I won’t say, “I told you so,” though I might think it.
Pet Parents
As a dog owner myself, I can assure you that children and pets are entirely different creatures. Please stop comparing Fido’s sleep patterns to my child’s midnight escapades. I recognize that caring for pets is commendable, but attempting to provide me with parenting advice based on your experience with your cat is misguided. While I’d be happy to discuss dog training tips, please refrain from linking your pet’s habits to my toddler’s behavior.
Childcare Experts Without Children
We rely on various professionals to assist us in raising our kids — nurses, doctors, and psychologists provide invaluable support. However, advice from individuals who don’t have children of their own often lacks the depth of understanding required. I find that I trust the guidance of a pediatrician with kids more than one without, as they have lived through the daily challenges I face. Teachers and daycare providers without parenting experience may understand child behavior in a classroom but cannot grasp the overwhelming reality of parenting from infancy to adulthood.
Parenting itself is a formidable challenge, made even more difficult by the well-meaning but often misguided advice from those without children. It’s hard not to question your choices when a young, childless individual suggests that breastfeeding should only occur in private. Each child is unique, and parenting advice is rarely one-size-fits-all; the longer I parent, the more I realize that less advice and more listening and support is what’s truly valuable. So, unless you’re offering a good wine pairing for dealing with your tween’s math homework, it’s best to remain silent.
Conclusion
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