Parenting has undeniably evolved as my children have transitioned into their tween years. One of the most significant shifts has been in the realm of discipline. The days of threatening to take away dessert for bad behavior are long gone; now my tweens are adept at sneaking treats while I’m preoccupied with daily tasks. They’ve mapped out all my hiding spots and can devour a slice of cake in mere moments. However, since they can’t yet drive, revoking car privileges isn’t an option either.
Navigating this tween phase has required me to adapt my parenting approach to manage their increasingly sassy demeanor. It’s become essential to find new methods that effectively communicate my expectations and ensure they truly grasp what I’m saying. The classic “or else” doesn’t hold the same weight anymore; they’ve caught on to the fact that it often signifies a lack of a solid consequence. Just the other week, I attempted to use it with my 12-year-old, only to be met with a pointed, “Or else what?”
In that moment, “or else” referred to losing phone privileges for the day, which prompted a quick response from him. Here are some additional strategies I’ve developed to enhance communication and discipline:
1. Mirror Their Style for Impact.
Have you ever wondered why teenage boys insist on wearing their pants sagging so low that it resembles a diaper? After much effort to move past that phase, I realized the best way to get my son to pull up his pants was to mimic his style. During a grocery store outing, I intentionally wore my pants low to illustrate how ridiculous it looked. The embarrassment he felt when approached by the store manager about indecent exposure was a lesson he won’t soon forget.
2. Use Music as a Teaching Tool.
Pop music has largely replaced Disney soundtracks in our home, and I find it vital to engage with my kids about their musical choices. Since they’ll listen to it regardless, I prefer to join in, seizing opportunities to discuss the questionable messages in their favorite songs. This approach tends to resonate more than direct lectures, especially since they know I can easily switch the station to what they call “music from the olden times.” When they’re receptive, they get to enjoy their music while I sneak in valuable lessons.
3. Investigate Their Phones.
I often find myself probing my kids’ daily activities like a detective on a mission. However, unlike before, when they would share every detail, now they can hardly remember what transpired at school. Until I start inquiring about their texts or social media posts, at which point they become surprisingly chatty. This method has proven effective in drawing them out of their shells.
4. Encourage Some Distance.
Instead of sneaking away to indulge in a snack while hiding from my kids, it’s now completely acceptable for me to request some personal space. When I need a breather, I can simply ask them to occupy themselves elsewhere, effectively signaling that they’ve pushed my limits.
As children grow, parenting styles must adapt. We still love them immensely, but our expressions of that love evolve. While they may have traded in their childish antics for more mature ones, as long as we manage their behavior creatively, we’re on the right track as parents.
In conclusion, adapting to the challenges of parenting tweens requires innovative methods, from using humor and music to engage in meaningful conversations, to setting boundaries that encourage independence and respect.