In our home, a framed picture hangs in the hallway depicting my partner Alex and me with our eldest niece, adorned with the caption “My Godparents.” Occasionally, one of our children will spot this photo and inquire about what “godparents” are. “Who are they? Do I have any? Why not?” I attempt to clarify, usually concluding with an explanation that leaves them a bit disappointed.
“Well… you weren’t baptized.”
“I wasn’t?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?!”
“Our belief system doesn’t include baptism for children.”
At times, my responses prompt further questions, while other times, the conversation fizzles, marked by a mild disappointment about the absence of godparents, a lack of interest in baptism, and a reluctant acknowledgment that our family is outside the mainstream religion. They recognize that our practices differ from those of their Christian and Jewish peers, yet we still engage in some form of “church.” In a sense, my kids might feel like they’re missing out; they belong to a minority faith, yet they still attend church.
Our family identifies as Unitarian Universalist — a unique faith that can be challenging to articulate. UUs, as we often refer to ourselves, do not adhere to a singular belief system. Representing merely one percent of the American population in the “other faith” category, we encompass a broad range of spiritual perspectives. Some members come from other faith backgrounds, while others are atheists or agnostics. There are those who believe in a higher power — though whether to use an uppercase “G” is often debated. We have no Trinity, no bar or bat mitzvahs, and no baptisms meant to nullify the concept of “original sin,” as we do not subscribe to that idea.
Instead, we emphasize kindness, connection, and reverence for something greater than ourselves – though what that “something” is varies among us. Consider it akin to a Church of the Golden Rule.
My journey to Unitarian Universalism came later in life after growing up in a typical Catholic environment, complete with First Communion, confirmation, and no meat on Fridays during Lent. While I value the spiritual foundation from my youth, I eventually realized, as many do, that the Trinity concept didn’t resonate with me. I wasn’t even certain I believed in a conventional idea of God. Perhaps a more fluid notion of a god with a lowercase “g” was closer to my beliefs.
Beyond my personal convictions, I yearned to provide my children with a spiritual grounding — but what form should that take? I sought a community that offered a sense of the divine, without compromising on knowledge and authenticity. Did such a place even exist?
For a period, I doubted that a church fitting that description could be found. However, over the last decade, I’ve discovered that this unconventional faith, with its lengthy name, aligns beautifully with our family. We explore the works of Rumi and Mary Oliver while engaging in a variety of non-traditional songs. Our congregation offers groups like Atheist, Humanist & Agnostics, the Feminine Divine, and even a book club. We celebrate a Passover Seder, a Christmas pageant, and a fantastic Halloween gathering. My evolving (yet non-Christian) beliefs can harmoniously coexist with Alex’s humanist views, and our children learn the value of spirituality without being imposed with rigid doctrines. It’s akin to the notion of being “spiritual but not religious,” but we actually have a structure around it.
Despite my love for our liberal, somewhat eclectic, minority faith, I sometimes struggle to fully grasp what it means, let alone convey it to those unfamiliar with UU beliefs. Fitting in with non-UUs can be challenging as well; to my Jewish and Christian friends, I’m not devout enough, while to my secular friends, I’m too religious. My children, too, occasionally feel slighted that they haven’t received First Communion gifts like their peers.
However, we largely embrace our religious uniqueness. I take pride in being part of a faith community that has been a pioneer in advocating for marriage equality and that established gender-neutral bathrooms long before they became a societal discussion. I appreciate that my children are learning about a wide array of faith traditions — from Judeo-Christian beliefs to Islam, Buddhism, and paganism — fostering an understanding that not only tolerates differences but celebrates them. I am grateful that I can maintain my beliefs while still being part of a spiritual community.
Though we may not always fit within the confines of mainstream religion, we undoubtedly feel a sense of belonging.
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Summary
Our family embraces Unitarian Universalism, a diverse and inclusive faith that allows us to explore spirituality without the constraints of mainstream religious practices. We celebrate our unique identity, fostering a sense of belonging while instilling values of kindness and acceptance in our children.
Keyphrase: Mainstream Religion and Family Beliefs
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