Rethinking Public Tantrums: A Call for Compassionate Parenting

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On one particularly chaotic morning, my 2-year-old son decided it was the perfect time to unleash a monumental tantrum while we were en route to grab donuts. I had promised his older siblings a trip to their favorite donut shop as a reward for their help with household chores. Since I believed it wouldn’t be fair to penalize the older kids for their younger brother’s emotional outburst, we opted for the drive-thru. I maintained my composure while he shouted in the backseat, but suddenly, he yelled, “I’ll take two stupids and one ugly!” as he kicked my seat in frustration. Those were the only choice phrases he had, and he was determined to use them to voice his dissatisfaction.

I attempted to sidestep the public tantrum, but alas, it echoed through the entire establishment. Such incidents are commonplace. Children will have tantrums — sometimes in the comfort of home, and other times right in the middle of a store like Target.

Let’s face it: we are well past the time when children were expected to be seen and not heard. Instead of judging parents during these challenging moments, it’s time to approach the situation with empathy, keeping the following points in mind:

  1. Tantrums are a normal phase of development.
    Every child goes through this stage. My own three children, even my typically well-behaved middle child, have succumbed to public meltdowns. Despite her usually calm demeanor, there were times she lost her composure in public. That didn’t make her a terrible child; she would return to her cheerful self once the storm passed.
  2. It’s not about discipline.
    In my 20s, before stepping into the world of parenting, I mistakenly believed that tantrums indicated a lack of discipline. I would watch parents manage their kids’ outbursts while I enjoyed margaritas with friends. However, I quickly learned that my own attempts to discipline my children in similar situations often backfired.
  3. All children experience it.
    Every child, at some point, will express their frustrations through tantrums. They have needs that demand attention but may not yet have the skills to articulate them. Sometimes, they might just be having a tough day. Honestly, I sometimes feel like having a tantrum myself, but being an adult, I usually opt for a glass of wine instead.
  4. No one enjoys the situation.
    The child, the parents, and bystanders all wish for a resolution. Just like I wouldn’t look forward to a visit to the dentist, these moments are part of life. Interestingly, witnessing a toddler’s meltdown may make quieter moments at home feel even more precious.
  5. Avoid overstepping unless you’re offering help.
    Interfering with a parent in the midst of handling a tantrum can create confusion for the child and frustration for the parent. While there are certainly some parents who seem oblivious, most know how to manage their children’s behavior. It’s important to let them navigate these challenges themselves.

Tantrums are simply a part of life. If you venture into public spaces, you’ll likely encounter one. A little understanding can go a long way in these situations, instead of the judgmental stares from those who fail to understand parenting dynamics.

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In summary, public tantrums are a normal part of childhood that every parent will encounter. A little compassion from others can help alleviate the stress that comes with these situations.

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