In the realm of parenting, the decision to medicate a child diagnosed with ADHD can be both daunting and life-altering. For three years, my partner and I hesitated to medicate our son, Ethan. Like many parents, we embarked on the “try everything else first” journey, which served dual purposes. It shielded us from judgment regarding our parenting choices, as we could assert, “We’ve done all we could before resorting to medication.” More importantly, it allowed us to alleviate some guilt for considering medication, knowing we had explored every alternative.
The pivotal moment came during a parent-teacher conference. My partner and I sat across from Ethan’s dedicated teachers, who were genuinely invested in his success. Despite their best efforts, Ethan was completing only about 40% of his assignments. His classroom behavior was chaotic; materials scattered, constant disruptions, and an inability to focus were affecting both his education and that of his classmates. After that meeting, I returned home overwhelmed with emotion. It became evident that we had to take action; our previous strategies were insufficient.
Ethan began taking 10 mg of Focalin, an ADHD medication, on a Tuesday. Almost immediately, I observed subtle yet significant changes. I asked him to put on his shoes, and to my amazement, they were already on his feet. When I requested he get in the car, he promptly did so without the usual struggle. As we drove to school, he gazed thoughtfully out the window. I worried he might become detached, but when I asked him what was on his mind, he articulated a detailed plan for a new project in Minecraft. Who was this child who spoke so clearly and coherently?
That afternoon, Ethan returned home, placed his shoes neatly in the laundry room, unpacked his backpack, and dove into his homework as his younger sister ran around excitedly. He actually requested that she quiet down so he could focus. It was a first for us. He completed his assignments in record time and rushed outside to play with friends.
The following day, I asked Ethan to tidy up the kitchen table. When I turned around a minute later, I was taken aback to find he had already done it. In that moment, I realized the toll ADHD had taken on our family, particularly on me as his primary caregiver. I had internalized the belief that Ethan would never follow directions, requiring constant reminders and checks. I had become conditioned to feel frustrated with my own child without even recognizing it.
As the week progressed, something shifted in me. On the drive to school, Ethan practiced his multiplication flashcards in the car, employing a technique I had once used myself. A wave of emotion washed over me, revealing a connection I had long overlooked. He was my son, and in that moment, I saw a reflection of myself.
Later that week, I encountered his reading and social studies teacher at chess club. She beamed with excitement as she shared Ethan’s progress, showing me a writing sample that was impressive and coherent. He had developed a series of questions about a fire alarm in the classroom, engaging his teacher with curiosity and maintaining eye contact—something I had not seen before. Tears welled in our eyes as we shared this joyful moment.
For years, I had viewed myself as impatient and reactive—a yeller caught in the chaos of motherhood. However, since Ethan started medication, I found that I could be calm and patient. The medication provided a window of tranquility that allowed me to rediscover my capacity for patience. The thought that lingered in my mind was poignant: I like my son better when he’s medicated. He was more organized and communicative, and I found joy in my role as a parent.
Yet, I grappled with complex feelings. Was I altering who he was? Was I medicating him for my own ease? I questioned the ethics of my decisions.
Now, six weeks into treatment, I have gained perspective. We have chosen not to medicate on weekends, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by my increased patience even during challenging moments. Ethan now finds joy in learning and has expressed that school is fun. He feels competent and appreciated by his teachers.
Ultimately, I remind myself that medication does not change who Ethan is; rather, it clears the mental clutter that impedes his abilities. It allows him to thrive as the remarkable individual he has always been.
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In summary, while the journey of parenting a child with ADHD can be challenging, medication has provided clarity and connection for both Ethan and myself. It has allowed us to navigate our lives with a renewed sense of understanding and patience.
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