For his fourth birthday, my son has chosen a superhero theme and specifically requested “no girls.” We’re planning a cozy gathering at our home, inviting only his grandparents and a handful of preschool friends along with their parents. When I sent out the digital invitations, a wave of guilt washed over me for not including his entire class.
Many birthday celebrations we’ve attended have embraced the “more is merrier” philosophy, often accommodating around 20 classmates, their parents, and siblings in rented venues. Some parties have boasted up to 60 guests—an impressive number, surpassing even the guests at my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary.
At these extravagant birthday events, the festivities usually kick off with a circle where kids introduce themselves (despite being familiar with one another), followed by an abundance of sugary treats. The highlight, however, is when the bounce house gets inflated, prompting a line of eager kids waiting for their turn to leap around happily—until the timer buzzes after three minutes. Guests typically leave with a goodie bag filled with more sweets and small plastic trinkets.
Our generation of parents often faces criticism for hosting such elaborate birthday parties, accused of spoiling our children and flaunting wealth. However, I believe there’s a more heartfelt reason behind these grand celebrations: the discomfort of excluding young children from the guest list.
I permitted my son to invite six of his closest friends. He quickly named his favorites but requested a couple more, which I had to decline. Living in a small apartment in the city, I know that six hyper boys is about all we can manage. This is when that familiar guilt crept in again. Should we have considered renting a larger venue for his entire class?
Every time I enter my son’s preschool, I am filled with joy at the sight of the little ones buzzing with energy. His classmates rush over to greet us, showing off their latest tattoos or demonstrating newfound ninja skills. I’ve known many of these kids since they were toddlers.
Preschool is a remarkable stage, with children forming friendships through shared interests, such as superhero adventures, without the complications of bullying or cliques. It’s also a time when parents can connect with one another without getting tangled in children’s conflicts. Inviting the whole class to a birthday party helps maintain this inclusive spirit and avoids potential hurt feelings down the line.
Will some parents or kids feel left out upon learning about our celebration? I had a serious discussion with my son about keeping the party a secret at school, but I know it will be a challenge for him to resist mentioning it.
We opted for a smaller gathering at home because I think a larger crowd might overwhelm him. Honestly, I would feel overwhelmed too with 60 guests at my own birthday. In fact, there seems to be a direct correlation between the amount of money spent and the enjoyment level of the event.
Just recently, we spent $60 on tickets to a local kids’ festival filled with attractions: bounce houses, train rides, live music, balloon artists, and unlimited ice cream. Yet, our son preferred simply chasing his friends around the grassy area instead of participating in organized events. Frustrated by the chaos, he exclaimed, “I hate festivals!” as we navigated through lines.
We left the festival feeling exhausted, realizing we had succumbed to the pressure of providing an extravagant experience. Next year, we’ll invest that money in a nice bottle of wine instead.
Determined to create a calm atmosphere, we decided to keep my son’s birthday celebration simple. There will be no waiting in lines or structured activities—just the “Happy Birthday” song and plenty of toys like blocks, Play-Doh, and trucks for the boys to enjoy. Most of our budget will go towards refreshments for the adults.
While I hope nobody feels slighted by our intimate gathering, we’re committed to celebrating my son’s birthday the way he envisions it: chasing down imaginary villains with a few of his best superhero pals.
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In summary, my son’s birthday party is designed with his comfort in mind, emphasizing quality time with his closest friends rather than a large crowd.
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