It’s a sunny Wednesday at 11 a.m., and my tween, Lucy, is tucked away in her room. While I take the dog for a walk, run errands, and squeeze in some work, three hours pass without a peep from her. Curious, I peek into her dimly lit sanctuary to find her still in her pajamas, fixated on her iPad.
“Hey there,” I say, leaning against the doorframe.
“Hey, Mom,” she replies, eyes glued to the screen. A mix of unwashed hair and the artificial sweetness of tropical lotion wafts through the air.
I hesitate, battling the urge to urge her to get up and do something. Instead, I simply say, “Don’t forget to eat,” as I close the door.
Not long ago, this scenario would have sent me into a tailspin. When my older daughters were younger, the mere thought of a summer without plans would trigger my anxiety. I envisioned a chaotic house filled with mess, piles of laundry, and hidden remnants of forgotten snacks. Knowing their friends were engaged in various activities, from Math Camp to Horse Camp, I felt compelled to keep my kids busy. I enrolled them in day camps and organized outings to fill every gap in our calendar.
During those early years, a structured summer worked well for us. While the school year was packed with homework and extracurriculars, summers were meant for more adventures. If I had suggested they lounge around, they might have enjoyed it for a couple of days before complaining about boredom. My summers became a whirlwind of craft projects, amusement parks, and endless driving, which was overwhelming. At that age, they truly needed more organization.
Then Came the Tween Years
When my eldest daughter, Emma, returned from sleepaway camp and expressed her disinterest in day camps, I panicked. I tried to reason with her, convinced she was succumbing to a lazy mindset. However, she stood her ground. Unable to force her into activities, I reluctantly agreed to let her do absolutely nothing.
I chuckled inwardly, thinking, “Let’s see how long this lasts.”
Initially, my fears were confirmed. Emma spent her days in pajamas, avoiding hygiene, binge-watching shows, and indulging in snacks. The odor emanating from her room was a pungent reminder of her laid-back lifestyle. This level of inactivity ignited my parental guilt. Shouldn’t I be motivating her to try new sports, read classic literature, or at least engage with educational content? Wasn’t it my duty to oversee her growth and development around the clock?
The second week followed a similar pattern, filled with screen time and minimal self-care, which continued to gnaw at my conscience. But then, a shift occurred. Emma asked to go swimming at the local pool, volunteered to walk the dog, and made plans with a friend to get frozen yogurt. In her downtime, she picked up books, created a photo collage, and even sorted through her school papers, recycling the unnecessary clutter.
As Emma began taking more initiative, my worries subsided. Our days became less about structure and more about spontaneity. While we maintained our separate activities, we occasionally crossed paths, sharing moments like lounging on my bed with books or baking together. Our summer days evolved into a blend of relaxation and joy, free from the pressures of time constraints and endless to-do lists.
Ultimately, we all need a break to recharge. With the demanding schedules my children face during the school year, summer offers a rare opportunity to do nothing. Allowing Emma the freedom to unwind not only benefited her but inspired me to embrace a slower pace as well. In a society that often prioritizes productivity over simply being, dedicating time to pajamas and movies can feel like a small act of rebellion. In this case, both Emma and I are ready to join the movement, at least for the summer.
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In summary, allowing tweens to have a summer of nothingness can foster self-discovery and relaxation, ultimately leading to a more enriching experience for both parents and children.
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