As a new mom to a two-month-old baby boy, I find myself deeply concerned about the world he is entering. Raised in a family with predominantly female influences, I lack experience in raising boys. Initially, when I learned I was having a son, I didn’t contemplate the societal inequalities he might face as a male or the implications of his race. The privilege inherent in being white often allows one to overlook these issues, and it wasn’t until my son’s birth that I began to reflect on them critically.
In the wake of his arrival, I was struck by a disturbing news story about Brock Turner, a Stanford student who received a mere six-month sentence for sexually assaulting a woman. The judge’s reasoning—that a prison term would severely affect his future—left me questioning the fate of the victim. I worry that my son could grow up to embody that type of privilege and entitlement.
Shortly after, the tragic deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, two Black men killed by police, further fueled my anxiety. These events highlighted the devastating disparities faced by individuals of color at the hands of those empowered by a systemic bias that favors lighter skin tones. I fear my son might one day contribute to such injustices rather than be a force for change.
Some may argue that my concerns for my son are self-centered. After all, he won’t face the same fears regarding his safety due to his race; he won’t be judged or profiled in the same way. He can wear a hoodie or play with a toy gun without the threat of violence looming over him. Unlike my daughter, I won’t need to instruct him on precautions to avoid being assaulted or to be wary of drink tampering at parties. However, the reality is that he could grow into a man who perpetuates harm rather than prevents it—a potential oppressor rather than an ally.
This duality of my worries—fearing for our Black sons and also for our daughters—stems from a desire to ensure my son understands equality and the concept of white privilege. I must teach him to recognize these dynamics and actively combat them. Empathy, compassion, and humility must be instilled in him to counter the societal narratives that glorify whiteness and masculinity. Despite my efforts, I struggle to see how I can effectively counteract the deep-seated messages and expectations that society will impart to him.
Teaching my son kindness is merely a starting point. I must emphasize the importance of respecting others’ autonomy, including the necessity of consent. It’s crucial that he learns not to fear Black men, countering the stereotypes society often imposes. With his privilege comes a responsibility to uplift others, not to seek unearned advantages.
As a white mother, I feel overwhelmed by the challenges ahead. The grief over the current state of our society weighs heavily on me. While mothers of Black boys are forced to prepare their sons for hostile encounters with law enforcement, and mothers of daughters must equip their girls to guard against sexual violence, I must seek ways to raise my son as a supporter of the oppressed, not as an oppressor.
I don’t have all the answers on how to approach these difficult lessons. My journey into motherhood, especially as a parent of a white boy, is just beginning. Yet it is clear that the status quo is not sustainable. The alarming rates of violence against Black individuals and the prevalence of sexual assault against women demand a response from those of us in positions of privilege.
Thus, I am committed to starting this journey. I will listen, read, and engage in conversations that challenge societal norms. I will teach my son within the confines of our home, because if we neglect to address how we raise our white boys, we will perpetuate a cycle of harm against our daughters, our Black boys, and society as a whole. The burden of change cannot rest solely on the shoulders of the oppressed; it is the responsibility of us, the privileged, to initiate transformation by rethinking how we educate our sons.
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Summary:
In this reflection, a new mother expresses her worries about raising her white son in a society marked by privilege and inequality. She grapples with the implications of his race and gender, recognizing the dual responsibilities of ensuring he understands his privilege while also fostering empathy and respect for others. The piece emphasizes the importance of teaching white boys about equality and the necessity of addressing systemic injustices.
Keyphrase: concerns about raising white sons
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