July 1, 2023
In a moment of quiet reflection, I found myself on the couch with my 18-year-old son, Alex. With college looming on the horizon, I felt a pressing need to seek some affirmation for the past 18 years of my parenting journey. The question I had long contemplated slipped out before I could second-guess myself. I clasped his hand, met his gaze, and asked, “Did you have a happy childhood?”
“What? Mom, are you serious? What kind of question is that?” he replied, a grin breaking across his face.
“I just need to know,” I insisted.
“Um, don’t even think twice about it. Of course I had a happy childhood. It was amazing! This is such a silly question. Why are you asking me this now? And why do you doubt yourself so much?” he responded.
His sarcasm was evident, but beneath it lay a sincerity that I had been hoping for. After all, asking a 3-year-old about their experience of motherhood isn’t feasible, and a tween would likely respond with a dismissive eye roll. But an almost-adult? They could finally be honest and straightforward.
In that moment, I truly believed him. Yet I was taken aback by his perception that I didn’t have doubts. He had grown up witnessing my struggles, my moments of despair, and countless instances of losing my patience with his younger siblings. He had seen me at my lowest, questioning if I could continue to parent effectively.
As the oldest child, Alex was the initial test subject for our parenting theories, with every decision made being a gamble. And yet, here he was, a bright and well-adjusted young man preparing to embark on his next chapter, assuring me that I had succeeded in my role as a mother even when I often felt like I was failing.
“Mom?” he asked again, “Did you hear my answer? You did good, Mom.”
Rather than delve into my years of self-doubt, I allowed his words to wash over me, erasing those 18 years of uncertainty and replacing them with validation: “You did good, Mom.”
That pivotal day when you finally feel acknowledged and valued? Moms, it’s on its way, I assure you. But don’t wait 18 years to recognize your impact. Even when unspoken, the growth and kindness in your children reflect the love and effort you’ve poured into their lives. So trust that you are doing well.
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In summary, while the road of motherhood is fraught with doubts and challenges, the moments of appreciation from your children can be profound. It’s crucial to recognize your efforts, as they are shaping good humans who will carry your teachings forward.
Keyphrase: parenting validation
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