By Emily Carter
“How are you?” my friend asks over the phone, with a distance of 1,800 miles separating us. “I’m fine!” I reply. “Busy, but fine.”
This has become my standard response to inquiries about my well-being. Isn’t that the case for many of us? We often say something like “Good,” “Fine,” or “Great.” While there is a kernel of truth in my response—I am fine, at least most days—it’s such a vague term. It can mean anything from “Okay” to “Fantastic,” or simply “Not terrible.” It’s largely a non-answer, a socially acceptable way to sidestep the question and move on to lighter topics.
But what if we were more forthright when responding to “How are you?” When I say, “I’m fine,” there’s a multitude of emotions swirling beneath the surface, such as:
- I’m so exhausted I’m actively contemplating the feasibility of a coffee IV drip.
- If one more child complains about their dinner, I might just scream.
- I’m grappling with the fear that I’m failing my kids every single day.
- I often feel like I’m juggling five fragile glass balls without any prior training.
- My love for my children is so intense, I sometimes wonder if it’s somewhat unhealthy.
- I have this nagging feeling that my brain could literally explode any moment now.
- I’m constantly anxious—not just in this moment, but about everything: my kids, work, finances, the state of the world, and even my cat who has developed a penchant for inappropriate urination.
- I find myself crying in the shower occasionally.
- I’m in a constant state of wonder as I watch my children grow and learn.
- Some nights, I get a full night’s sleep, and I feel invincible; other nights, I feel crushed under the weight of motherhood.
- I adore my children to the moon and back, yet I sometimes fantasize about escaping.
- I’m trying to navigate the roles of wife, mother, sister, daughter, employee, artist, citizen, and individual simultaneously.
- I sometimes forget who I was before motherhood, and I do miss that person.
- The idea of my children growing up fills me with an indescribable sadness.
Even when I feel happy and grateful, there’s often an undercurrent of complex emotions tied to motherhood—constant worry, fatigue, overwhelming love, and conflicting desires. These feelings occasionally bubble to the surface, often in the shower, and sometimes erupt unexpectedly when I least expect it. Nevertheless, this emotional river flows steadily through my heart.
Should we share these deeper feelings with others? I believe we should, especially with close friends and fellow moms who understand that chaotic inner world. Many of us have experienced that same tumultuous current and wondered if we are alone in our struggles. Without honest conversations, we may feel isolated even when surrounded by others.
But do our friends truly want to hear our unfiltered truth? I’m not sure. I do know that “I’m fine” barely scratches the surface, and honesty is often the best route. So when a friend reaches out to ask how I am, perhaps I should simply say, “I’m a mom,” because that encapsulates the entire experience.
For those interested in exploring more about family planning, sites like Make a Mom provide resources on home insemination kits, which can be beneficial for those looking to start a family. Additionally, if you’re looking for comprehensive information about pregnancy and fertility, Johns Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources.
In summary, the journey of motherhood is a complex tapestry of emotions, and while we often say we’re “fine,” there’s a lot more going on beneath the surface. Our experiences may be chaotic, but they’re also filled with love and wonder.
Keyphrase: Understanding motherhood emotions
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