In a recent exchange, I shared a photo of my youngest daughter, Lily, who is two years old, swinging in the park. With her golden hair and striking blue-green eyes, she bears a remarkable resemblance to my mother, which I mentioned in my text. My mother, in her early 60s and relatively new to smartphone technology, replied with an enthusiastic “LOL. Yes, she definitely does!” This development has significantly improved our relationship.
Our history, however, is complex. When I was 12, three years after my father left, I made the difficult decision to move out while my mother was occupied with her second job. The circumstances were chaotic, and I could no longer cope. I navigated a rocky path, spending time with my father before ultimately moving in with my paternal grandmother, with whom my mother had a strained relationship. The aftermath of those years left our relationship with scars that have been hard to heal.
Now, as a 33-year-old parent of three, I long for my mother to be an integral part of my children’s lives. However, our interactions often feel heavy with the weight of our past. I want my kids to know their grandmother, and I want her to be involved in their lives. Unfortunately, the distance—she resides in Utah while I am in Oregon—compounds our struggles. Over the past seven years, she has seen my children no more than ten times. Recognizing her desire to connect, I opted for a different approach: I began sending her routine updates through text messages, sharing pictures of my kids playing in the yard or enjoying ice cream. These snippets of joy have become our primary means of connection.
Our text exchanges are succinct. My mother often asks me to convey her love to the kids and sometimes sends her own pictures to share with them. This communication style may seem unconventional to those with more traditional family dynamics, but it has become the healthiest interaction I’ve had with her. The tension from our past is simply absent when we communicate this way. Instead of enduring awkward silences or revisiting painful histories, we share lighthearted moments, almost as if the past no longer holds sway over us.
Interestingly, my children remain blissfully unaware of the underlying tension that sometimes surfaces during video calls or visits. My wife has picked up on it, however, and we both know that as our children grow, this dynamic may need to shift. They are still quite young, all under the age of 10.
Recently, my mother ventured onto Facebook. While she may be a decade late to the platform, it has opened another channel for us to share our lives. She engages with my posts, and I with hers. There’s a warmth in her interactions that feels more genuine than any other online engagement. My kids frequently ask to see what Grandma is doing on social media, showing an eagerness to connect.
Though this method of grandparenting through text and social media is not ideal, it represents a significant step forward in our relationship. It encourages me to strive for a better connection with my own children, as I hope this digital bridge can eventually lead to a deeper, more meaningful relationship with my mother. I dream of a future where I can seek her advice freely and engage in casual conversations, free from the shadows of our past.
In summary, while my relationship with my mother has evolved through digital communication, it still holds the potential for growth. The use of text messages and social media has allowed us to share joyful moments and cultivate connections, which may pave the way for a more profound relationship in the future.
Keyphrase: Grandparenting through digital communication
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