In my early twenties, before I became a parent, I envisioned a picturesque life filled with wholesome activities with my future children. I imagined us exploring local farmers markets every weekend, my kids joyfully selecting fresh produce while I basked in the glow of my parenting ideals.
Then reality hit. On our first visit to a farmers market with my son, he boldly snatched a piece of broccoli from a vendor, took a bite, and spat it out, exclaiming, “Yuck!” In that moment, my fairytale view of parenting crumbled. Instead of dreaming about what could be, I’ve compiled a list of things I will unequivocally not do for my kids.
1. Pay Full Price for Designer Clothing
I couldn’t care less about brand names, and I refuse to shell out top dollar for items simply because they feature a popular logo. My parents held a similar philosophy, and I turned out just fine—if not better for it. I want my children to develop a mindset that values authenticity over brand recognition. If I find a name-brand item on sale or at a thrift store, I may consider it if it serves a genuine need.
2. Participate in the PTA
To the dedicated PTA members out there: kudos for your hard work! I truly admire your dedication. However, I simply cannot stretch myself thin by balancing work, writing, motherhood, and wife duties only to add committee meetings to the mix. I’m all for supporting events and indulging in cookie dough sales, but I draw the line at being actively involved.
3. Allow My Kids to Pursue Every Extracurricular Activity
Absolutely not! I refuse to spend every evening rushing my kids to various activities. If our week doesn’t include at least two free evenings, I turn into a stress ball, overwhelmed by lost sports jerseys and dinner prep. I limit my children’s activities to one at a time, teaching them how to prioritize and manage their time effectively. I want them to learn that it’s perfectly fine not to do every single thing under the sun.
4. Expect Straight A’s from My Kids
Having previously taught high school English, I witnessed students crumble under the pressure of achieving perfect grades. Many felt that receiving a B was a failure, and I refuse to instill that mindset in my children. I expect them to try their best, and if that results in lower grades, so be it. Academic performance does not determine a person’s worth or future success.
5. Mandate College Attendance
Despite having four college degrees between my partner and me, I don’t believe college is the right path for everyone. My children understand that certain careers require further education. However, when the time comes for them to choose their next steps—whether it be work, college, or travel—I want them to feel empowered to make decisions that align with their aspirations, not mine.
Every parent has the duty to provide for their children while making difficult decisions that may not align with societal expectations. Creating a list of what we won’t do for our kids helps us set boundaries in parenting and discourages entitlement. This list can evolve as our children grow. Remember, it’s okay to stand firm occasionally—your kids will be just fine in shoes from the discount store or missing out on the traveling soccer team.
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Summary
In this article, I outline five specific actions I refuse to undertake for my children: paying full price for brand-name clothing, participating in the PTA, allowing them to engage in every extracurricular activity, expecting straight A’s, and mandating college attendance. These choices stem from an understanding that parenting involves setting boundaries and instilling values that prioritize effort over perfection.
Keyphrase: Parenting boundaries
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