During my recovery in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) following a life-threatening situation, a nurse from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) entered my room with a kind smile. She inquired, “Have you decided on names for your babies?” At that moment, my triplets were just two days old, and until then, they had merely been referred to as “Baby A,” “Baby B,” and “Baby C.” Having been born over 17 weeks early, my husband and I hadn’t settled on names. How could we name “Baby A,” who had already passed away? This was an unexpected hurdle we never thought we would encounter.
It is not unusual for parents to delay naming their child until they have had the chance to see them. After all, a name carries significant weight; it defines a person for their entire life. However, our situation was different. My husband and I had hardly discussed names, apart from the humorous realization that we needed six—three first names and three middle names.
The overwhelming truth was that we were terrified. After nearly losing our triplets at 18 weeks gestation, we became anxious. Instead of preparing the nursery and selecting decor, we were anxiously counting down the weeks until viability, a milestone that eluded us when our children arrived at 22 weeks and 6 days. Fortunately, our doctors gave the triplets a fighting chance, and each was born alive. Tragically, our firstborn, Grace, left us within two hours of her birth. Grief and shock enveloped us, leaving us numb; naming our children was far from our thoughts.
By day three, the NICU nurses had developed affection for our tiny 1-pound infants and gave them affectionate nicknames starting with the letter “H.” It was then that we realized we could no longer postpone this decision. I had only seen our children briefly on day three when I was taken to the NICU for the first time. Deep down, I understood that the time had come to name them. While connected to numerous wires and IVs in my ICU bed, my husband and I began to brainstorm. I opened my phone, where I had kept a list of names I had compiled over the years. Alex and Jamie were always at the top of my list, and thankfully, my husband agreed. That part was easy—Alex and Jamie were alive.
Meanwhile, several floors below, in the hospital morgue, our angel lay peacefully, still known only as “Baby A.” Admitting this is difficult, but I hesitated when it came to choosing her name. What if none of our children survived? What if I assigned a name to one who wouldn’t live? How could I name a child I had only seen for a few hours, whose eyes were still fused shut? Reflecting on this nearly three years later, I realize now the significance of a name. We always thought Grace had a beautiful sound to it, and we followed our instincts to name her. I am so grateful we did.
What I failed to understand three years ago is that it’s not merely the name that matters; it’s the individual behind it. Your name forms your identity, but it is the life you lead with that name that creates your legacy. When we chose names for our children, there was no specific reasoning behind them. We didn’t select them based on family traditions or deeper meanings; they were simply names we loved. After Grace’s passing, followed by Jamie’s two months later, I often wondered when I would hear their names again. Conversations about death, especially the loss of a child, can make many uncomfortable. I never expected to hear their names mentioned, except from close friends and family.
As I reflect on the passage of time, I am amazed at what has unfolded. I hear the names of all three of my children daily. Sometimes I’m the one bringing them up; other times, friends or supporters mention them in conversations or emails. However, it’s the gentle voice of my surviving triplet, Alex, calling out Grace and Jamie’s names that moves me the most. The fear that my angels would be forgotten has dissipated. Grace and Jamie may have spent only a brief period on earth, but their legacy will endure forever. My precious daughter, Alex, carries the essence of all three—a remarkable young girl making a significant impact on the world.
For those navigating similar experiences, additional resources can be found at WHO’s Pregnancy, and if you’re considering home insemination, check out Make a Mom and Cryobaby for valuable insights.
In summary, the process of naming premature infants can be fraught with emotional complexity and uncertainty. The significance of a name transcends its sound; it encapsulates the essence of the individual it represents.
Keyphrase: Naming Premature Babies
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