Updated: May 8, 2020
Originally Published: May 14, 2016
After 17 years of marriage (yes, I was a young bride!), my spouse and I sometimes find it challenging to maintain the excitement in our intimate life. Over the years, we’ve explored various avenues to keep things fresh—everything from lingerie to toys, and yes, even the occasional adult film (just to clarify, no drills were involved!). However, my personal favorite method of adding spice has been through creative pubic hair designs. From hearts to arrows, I’ve shaped my hair into many artistic expressions. When a particular design doesn’t turn out as planned, I just tell my husband it’s a Rorschach test, and we still enjoy ourselves (I’ll spare you the visual evidence).
Last year, I thought I would surprise my husband with a Brazilian wax for his birthday. Having never ventured into waxing territory before, let alone such an intimate area, I was a bit anxious but figured I’d go all in. After all, if you’re going to try something new, why not go big or go home?
On the day of the appointment, I felt more nervous than I anticipated. Upon my arrival, the technician could tell it was my first time. After a brief explanation of the process, she moved the blanket aside and immediately informed me that we’d first need to trim the hair. Apparently, I had quite the overgrowth. Using tiny scissors, she began trimming, which was surprisingly ticklish, and I found myself giggling—an awkward reaction to someone handling my pubic hair.
Then came the moment of truth. I braced myself, thinking, “I’ve given birth to two children. How bad can this be?” But as she began, my internal monologue screamed, “HOLYMOTHEROFUCKINGSHITBALLSMOTHERFUCKER!!” While I managed to utter a weak “I’m okay,” my body disagreed. The technician assured me that the worst was over, but I was still left in a state where time seemed irrelevant as I concentrated on my breathing and not accidentally kicking her.
After what felt like an eternity, she applied a soothing salve, but the experience was not what I ever wanted to repeat. Yet, it wasn’t the pain that deterred me from future waxes. There were three significant reasons I decided to retire the Brazilian wax for good:
- Once I finally regained my composure and examined myself in the mirror, I was horrified—not by the lack of hair, but by the realization that my pregnancy stretch marks extended into my pubic area, resembling grotesque little fingers pointing downward. Thankfully, my husband didn’t seem to notice and was thrilled with the results.
- Without the hair to act as a buffer, I found myself in a constant state of arousal, which became a bit problematic (at least for me). It didn’t matter where I was; I felt an overwhelming urge to pounce on my husband—or even the waiter. This led to a highly active week in the bedroom, which I’m sure my husband appreciated.
- However, that bliss was short-lived. As soon as the hair began to grow back, I transitioned from ecstasy to total agony. Apparently, I’m not suited for waxing, as I experienced intense itching and was prone to ingrown hairs that felt like miniature torture devices. I started comparing my condition to having boils, making me feel like a character from Game of Thrones—truly undateable.
In conclusion, I’m officially done with Brazilian waxing. I’ll stick to my pubic hair art for any future endeavors in spicing things up. Next on my list? A chili pepper design.
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Summary:
This article discusses the author’s experience with Brazilian waxing, detailing the painful process and subsequent lessons learned. Ultimately, she concludes that she will stick to her creative pubic hair art instead, citing issues like stretch marks, increased arousal, and painful ingrown hairs as reasons for her decision.
Keyphrase: Brazilian wax experience
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