“How can you maintain a strong marriage while raising children?” A young woman recently posed this question to me. She was intrigued, though she didn’t yet have kids.
“Honestly,” I replied with a chuckle, “you inevitably start keeping score.”
I suspect this wasn’t the answer she anticipated. It’s not that it isn’t accurate; rather, few people openly acknowledge this reality. When discussing marriage and parenting, it’s common to hear phrases like “it’s challenging” or “you need quality time together.” Yet, rarely do we admit, “It’s incredibly tough because of the mental tally sheet we’re all maintaining.”
If we’re truly honest, we must recognize that scorekeeping occurs. You might track who gets less sleep, who makes more sacrifices, who puts in more hours at work, or who cooks dinner more often. You may even count the minutes spent soothing a fussy baby, the hours at the pediatrician’s office, or the time spent commuting to a job you dislike. You might notice the number of dirty dishes piling up or the socks strewn across the floor. Regardless of what couples keep track of, these mental tallies can accumulate, becoming burdensome over time.
While many avoid admitting they keep score, it’s a common phenomenon, especially during particularly stressful periods. The arrival of a new baby, a job change, or any significant life event can trigger a competitive mindset over who makes the last grocery run for essentials.
And if there exists a couple who has never kept score? They might be stretching the truth or have achieved a level of enlightenment that’s enviable.
The harsh reality is that when life becomes tough—especially with children—it’s natural to question whether your spouse is experiencing as much difficulty as you are. It’s human instinct to feel as though you’re bearing the brunt of the challenges. This feeling is entirely normal. Life is challenging. Parenting is challenging. Marriage is challenging. Yet, that doesn’t negate the fact that life, marriage, and parenting can also be incredibly rewarding.
It’s simply a matter of forgetting that “hard” is relative and recognizing that life is cyclical. There are periods of intense difficulty and seasons of joy. You are human, and at times, you’ll find yourself comparing situations and keeping score.
However, as the mental tally grows cumbersome, fatigue sets in, and clarity returns. You remember that life’s struggles are universal. You remember that you’re allies in this journey. You remember that your affection for one another extends beyond love; you genuinely enjoy each other’s company.
When you exchanged vows, you were essentially pledging to remember one another, even amid the chaos of parenting and the mundane frustrations like unwashed dishes or laundry left undone.
“Do you think we still keep score?” I asked my partner recently.
“Yep,” he answered a bit too quickly.
“Do you think we keep score as much as we did before?”
“Nope.”
“Why is that?” I inquired, intrigued. “What changed?”
“Countless arguments,” he replied, and we both laughed.
“We’ve just become too exhausted to keep score anymore, haven’t we?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
We shared another chuckle, and shortly after, our younger child entered the room.
“Why are you smiling, Daddy?” he asked.
“I just really enjoy being around your mom,” my partner said with sincerity.
So, when that young woman sought advice on maintaining a strong marriage post-kids, I felt no hesitation in admitting that, yes, we do keep score. Yes, it can be challenging. But as long as you remember you’re on the same team, that things will improve, and that you still genuinely like one another, everything will turn out just fine. In fact, it might even be more than fine; it might be genuinely wonderful.
For further insights on managing relationships and navigating parenthood, consider visiting resources like WomensHealth.gov on pregnancy and explore various options for home insemination with Make a Mom’s Insemination Kits. Discover the At-Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit to boost your fertility journey.
In summary, marriages evolve, and so do the dynamics of parenting. Acknowledging the scorekeeping aspect is essential, but so is the understanding that love, companionship, and partnership can flourish despite the challenges.
Keyphrase: marriage and parenting dynamics
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]