With just weeks remaining until the arrival of my second child, my pronounced baby bump is hard to overlook, and the physical discomforts that accompany the final stages of pregnancy are all too prevalent. Tasks like walking, sitting, standing, carrying my toddler, and even breathing feel like monumental challenges. As a result, I frequently hear the well-meaning yet hollow sentiments from friends and family: “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help!”
To put it bluntly, I’m calling it out for what it is—disingenuous.
Reflecting on my first pregnancy, I was initially taken aback by the abundance of offers for support from both close friends and acquaintances. It felt reassuring to know that so many people cared and were willing to help me navigate what I anticipated would be a significant life change. However, the reality was quite different: many of those offers were just words.
While I acknowledge that raising children requires a supportive community, it took me two years to identify my true support network. During that time, I had to sift through the empty promises and discern genuine offers of assistance from those simply filling the silence.
Some offers turned out to be sincere, leading to valuable friendships. Yet, I also encountered numerous disappointments. Friends who promised to lend an ear during tough times often vanished when I needed them. Playdates that I counted on to provide adult interaction were frequently canceled, and family members who expressed a desire to bond with my baby often disappeared when the chance arose. This pattern was painful, feeling like a personal rejection not just to me, but to my child as well.
Now, as I prepare for my second child, I find it disheartening to hear the same phrases from those who let me down before. I’ve also become cautious about new acquaintances offering their assistance—can I trust their sincerity?
Hence, I implore you: if you don’t genuinely mean it, please refrain from offering help. Don’t say it merely because you see my discomfort and think it sounds kind or to alleviate your own guilt. You’re doing both of us a disservice. When the time comes for me to reach out, and you back out awkwardly, it creates an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.
If you feel compelled to fill the air with pleasant words, consider simply offering “best of luck” or “congratulations.” These sentiments are kind without implying any obligation. This way, you can continue with your life, and I won’t add you to my mental list of potential support contacts.
Having established my real support system, I feel prepared for the challenges ahead. Whether it’s postpartum depression, colic, or breastfeeding difficulties, I know exactly who to call. Many new mothers, however, might not realize this until they’ve faced their own challenges. Acknowledging the need for help is a significant step, often daunting.
So, when a new mother reaches out in her moment of need, don’t be the person who declines to step outside their comfort zone.
Ultimately, it boils down to one question: Will you pick up the phone if that new mom calls? If the answer is no, then don’t extend your offer of help.
In conclusion, let’s keep it simple: “Congratulations! Best of luck!”
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Summary
This article reflects on the disingenuous nature of offers for help during pregnancy, emphasizing the importance of sincerity in support. The author urges readers to refrain from making empty promises and instead offers alternative well-wishes. It also highlights the significance of having a reliable support network for navigating the challenges of motherhood.
Keyphrase: sincerity in offers of help during pregnancy
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