Parenting Insights
Updated: Dec. 1, 2016
Originally Published: March 18, 2016
Navigating the tween years can be a tumultuous experience for parents, as I discovered when my 12-year-old son insisted on transforming his bedroom into a neon green haven. Instead of reacting with disbelief, I suggested a more muted lime green as a middle ground. Thankfully, he found it acceptable, recognizing it as a step away from the childish blue he previously adored.
While my little boy has evolved into a tween, which presents its share of challenges, there’s also much to appreciate about this transitional phase.
1. Tweens Prioritize Their Passions
Sometimes, tweens can seem indifferent to personal hygiene. My son, for instance, often overlooks his grooming habits, focusing instead on his true interests: playing video games, creating art, and writing. His priorities lie with his passions, which often seem more significant than maintaining a polished appearance.
2. The Balance of Embarrassment and Approval
Tweens often feel embarrassed by their parents, cringing at our attempts to connect socially. However, they still deeply desire our validation. When I praise my son’s creativity and uniqueness during our discussions about his latest artistic endeavors, he often responds with, “You really are the coolest mom.”
3. Questioning Authority
As tweens strive for independence, they frequently challenge established rules. My son often expresses disdain for schoolwork and questions the relevance of subjects like algebra. Yet, his cleverness and ability to earn good grades without fully engaging in the system demonstrate his growing independence and self-definition.
4. Volume Control
Tweens are notorious for expressing themselves loudly, often through music or animated conversation. My son has taken to blasting his favorite tracks, transforming our living room into a mini-concert venue. This exuberance is part of his journey to find his voice and convey his feelings.
5. Pushing Boundaries
Tweens test limits as they seek to establish their own boundaries. My son frequently negotiates household rules and has even taken to experimenting with language, playfully inserting swearing into conversations while maintaining an awareness of what’s appropriate.
6. Embracing Quirkiness
Tweens often engage in eccentric behavior as they explore their identities. My son has been known to draw bizarre designs on his arms with markers and sport outlandish outfits. These choices reflect his comfort in expressing himself, regardless of societal norms.
7. Desire for Independence
While tweens may roll their eyes at reminders of their childhood, they also exhibit a growing sense of empathy and responsibility. My son, for example, has sold old toys to donate the proceeds to a local charity, showcasing his willingness to care for others.
8. Seeking Connection Amidst Withdrawal
Though tweens may retreat to their rooms more often, it’s essential to note they still seek our company. My son often prefers to enjoy family movie nights or share book recommendations, showing that his need for my presence remains strong despite his newfound independence.
Raising a tween is a balancing act filled with new challenges and surprises. Though they can be obstinate and overwhelming, the essence of who they are remains intact. They are defining their identities and asserting their independence, making this journey as rewarding as it is frustrating. Yes, they may drive us up the wall at times, but their uniqueness is what makes them extraordinary.
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Summary
Tweens exhibit challenging behaviors, yet these actions often stem from their quest for independence and self-expression. While they may appear indifferent or annoying, they are undergoing significant personal development. Embracing their uniqueness and supporting their growth can lead to a more enriching parenting experience.
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