March 12, 2023
Do you find yourself feeling anxious every time you receive a notification from your child’s teacher? Do you hold your breath until you confirm it’s just a benign reminder about a school event? That sense of relief can be fleeting, especially when you’re navigating the ups and downs of parenting a disruptive child.
I completely empathize. This year, my son’s teacher has sent us numerous notes, primarily concerning his behavior—issues like staying focused in class, excessive talking, and seeking attention through humor. It’s a familiar struggle that we are also addressing at home. Despite our collaborative efforts with the teacher being largely positive, receiving these notes can feel disheartening. Why can’t he just have one day without a behavior report? What does it say about my parenting skills? It often feels like everyone else is managing just fine while I’m falling short.
However, it’s crucial to remember that indulging in these negative thoughts only breeds frustration and anxiety. To prevent myself from spiraling down this path, I keep these four reminders in mind:
1. Progress is a Journey
The child I see today is not the same child he will become tomorrow. Growth takes time, and every day is an opportunity for improvement.
2. My Child’s Choices Do Not Define My Parenting
When my child makes mistakes, it’s easy to internalize that as a personal failure. Yes, I am his first teacher and role model, but his actions are his own. While I must reflect on my own contributions to his behavior, I cannot shoulder the blame for choices that are ultimately his.
3. Shortcomings Can Be Strengths in Development
It’s vital to reframe troubling behaviors as potential strengths. For example, my son is a natural socializer; his tendency to talk a lot is just his way of making connections. Once he learns to channel this energy appropriately, he’ll thrive socially. His creativity and curiosity, evident when he dismantled every pen in the house, show a desire to learn. With guidance, he can harness this curiosity productively.
4. View Behavior Objectively
I recently spoke with a fellow parent, Sarah, who shared that her son plays soccer relentlessly, leading to chaos in their home. “We had to take all the pictures off the walls,” she laughed, “and I can’t keep tomatoes in the house.” As amusing as it was, I recognized that if I were in her shoes, I might feel just as overwhelmed. Sometimes, stepping back and analyzing our children’s behaviors as if they were someone else’s can provide clarity and perspective.
In the future, the days filled with concern over behavior reports will fade into memory. We will reflect on our children’s growth, not just academically, but also in terms of emotional regulation and character development. Until then, I’ll approach each email with cautious optimism, knowing we’ve already made significant strides.
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Summary
Parenting a child with disruptive behavior can feel overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that progress takes time. Acknowledging that your child’s choices do not reflect your parenting, viewing their traits as potential strengths, and assessing behaviors from an objective standpoint can help alleviate the emotional burden. Each step forward is a step toward a brighter future.
Keyphrase: Parenting disruptive children
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