This Valentine’s Day, my partner and I found ourselves at a cozy pizza place, adjusting our toddler’s highchair and buckling him in. As we exchanged knowing glances and chuckled about the romance we were missing, we realized that while many couples were dining in upscale restaurants, we were content with our family time. Bringing our child along on what some consider a date night might seem unconventional, but for us, it was simply our norm.
In the past year, we’ve ventured out without our son only twice, and surprisingly, we’re perfectly comfortable with our dateless lifestyle. Before our child arrived, we were often advised by friends, relatives, and parenting blogs to prioritize date nights once he was born. The consensus was clear: we should hire a regular babysitter, schedule a bi-weekly outing, get dressed up, and leave our phones behind, reserving the evening for each other and avoiding talk of parenting.
Though the idea of a date night sounded appealing, the urgent tone of those recommendations suggested it was critical to prevent our marriage from disintegrating under the pressures of parenting. I was fully on board before our son arrived, even selecting a flattering black dress for our planned Thursday night outings that were to start when he was just a month old.
However, life with a newborn quickly turned chaotic, and it wasn’t until nearly May that my partner and I remembered our commitment to date nights. We talked about the idea of going out, but our son, though he was the size of a nine-month-old, still nursed like a newborn. While he could take a bottle during the day, evenings were reserved for the comfort of his mother. We accepted that our date nights would need to be postponed. Although I felt a tinge of disappointment, I was relieved to discover that our relationship was still thriving.
By the fall, my son’s nursing had decreased, but we had established a delightful bedtime routine filled with stories, baths, and cuddles. He settled down beautifully at night, provided my partner and I were the ones putting him to sleep. We held true to our commitment to gentle parenting, deciding to delay date nights until he was more independent. Despite my eagerness for some adult time, I was pleased to note that our marriage was flourishing, even without those evenings out.
When my son turned one, he was nursing only a few times a day and was content to fall asleep on his own. He had grown accustomed to being cared for by family members, and we found ourselves increasingly reluctant to miss any time with him. I worried about the impact on our marriage by staying home, but a check-in with my partner revealed he felt the same way: we were both happy.
Now that our son is two, he continues to be a delightful presence in our lives. As working parents, we have a nanny during the day, and it feels wrong to hand him off for the evening after being away all day. I have no issues with parents who prioritize regular date nights; that’s what works for them. However, I wish more people recognized that a happy marriage doesn’t hinge on those special outings.
My partner and I enjoy quality time together every night at dinner, and after our son goes to bed, we spend time talking, playing games, or watching films. Sure, we’re in our pajamas, but that doesn’t diminish the value of our connection. We also enjoy family activities; pushing a stroller doesn’t mean we’re not bonding as a couple. There are countless ways for a relationship to flourish, so if you, like us, prefer family time over traditional date nights, know that happiness is what truly matters.
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In summary, date nights are not the only path to a fulfilling marriage. Embracing family time and finding joy in everyday moments can strengthen the bond between partners just as effectively.
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