Entering motherhood, I thought I was well-prepared. In my late 20s, I was married, had a college degree, and had established a consulting business that allowed me to work from home with flexibility. My background included various roles—babysitter, camp counselor, tutor, and volunteer mentor—exposing me to over a thousand children by my early 20s. I adored kids, and that passion was a core part of my identity. I even had experience working with children with disabilities, having started as a camp counselor for a program associated with cerebral palsy when I was just 14.
However, none of that prior experience equipped me for the reality of parenting my son. I found myself questioning how he could be so different from all the children I had cared for previously. Surely, I could apply what I had learned, right?
A Challenging Scenario
Consider this scenario: Your 8-year-old, diagnosed with ADHD and autism, is generally doing well but is now being taken by a babysitter to an activity he dislikes. En route, the sitter makes a stop for water, and chaos ensues. Your child screams, runs around the store, and evades the sitter and employees for ten minutes until someone threatens to involve the police.
When my son was a baby, my father advised me to stop reading parenting books, suggesting that parenting would come naturally. If only he could send me a sign from above regarding how to tackle these overwhelming situations! I’ve since discovered a new style of parenting that I like to call “Non-Intuitive Parenting” (NIP).
Understanding Non-Intuitive Parenting
NIP involves setting aside preconceived notions about child-rearing and recognizing that instincts alone won’t suffice. In that chaotic store incident, my approach was to prioritize safety first. I sent my son to his room to de-escalate the situation, consulted a child psychologist for appropriate consequences, and created a visual schedule of his activities to help him understand what to expect. In the middle of balancing a full-time job and navigating medical appointments for both my son and myself, I also began exploring social story software.
With NIP, I’ve learned that conventional tactics, like the “mom look,” won’t work. My son doesn’t interpret negative facial expressions, so I have to articulate my feelings verbally, even when frustration is boiling inside. While it was previously considered a no-no to bribe children, I’ve found that incentivizing desired behaviors can be an effective strategy. This approach, rooted in applied behavior analysis, has shown positive results, even if it doesn’t come naturally.
Behind the Scenes of My Parenting
When you observe my parenting, it may appear puzzling at times. You might think I’m overreacting or underreacting, but there’s often a reason behind my actions. When I comfort my son after what seems to be a tantrum, or when I simply note “one point” after he misbehaves, it’s part of a much larger strategy born from expert guidance and countless assessments.
My parenting practices now stem from a blend of instinct and the knowledge gained from specialists, online communities, and current research. I’ve grown stronger as an advocate for my son in both medical and educational settings, and while I trust my instincts, they’ve evolved to include the insights of professionals in the field.
Embracing the Journey
If you find yourself lost in the process of raising a child with unique needs, know that it is perfectly acceptable. Parenting in this context is not akin to riding a bike; it’s a continuous learning experience where adaptation is key. And that profound love you feel for your child? That is, without question, the most instinctive aspect of all.
For more information on navigating parenting challenges, visit Make a Mom for insights on home insemination kits or check out the Mayo Clinic’s resource for additional support.