During a car ride following the first ultrasound of my daughter, I vividly recall a moment at a stoplight when Mariah Carey’s rendition of “I’ll Be There” played on the radio. Overwhelmed with emotion, I shed tears of happiness, realizing I would have the privilege of being present for this much-desired child. At that moment, I didn’t foresee the additional challenges that would arise following my daughter’s autism diagnosis.
In the journey of parenting, I have faced numerous uncomfortable, surprising, and joyful moments with my daughter. Recently, I have felt a strong desire to foster her independence. As a high-functioning individual on the autism spectrum, she finds herself in a unique predicament—exhibiting neurotypical behaviors in some areas but needing assistance in others. Yet, I often forget that she is still a child who relies on her mother, just like many other 11-year-olds.
My daughter struggles with tasks such as brushing her hair or teeth independently and tying her shoes. She still requires assistance while shampooing her long, beautiful hair—hair I am reluctant to cut short. Academically, she faces challenges, and I often question her true grade level and if it even matters. At times, I find myself frustrated when she calls out, “Mom, it’s time to brush my teeth!”
Why do I react this way? Am I being lazy or neglectful? Why the rush for her to grow up? Is this my delayed response to her developmental delays, which, in the grand scheme, are not the worst they could be? Perhaps I am masking my fears and sadness about her future independence and whether she will achieve the life she envisions, one I dream for her too.
What I need to do is support and encourage her independence by breaking tasks into manageable steps that she can learn to accomplish on her own. It is vital for me to celebrate her progress rather than express my frustration. With the advancements she has made through education, therapy, and our guidance, I should feel fortunate.
She can construct sentences, is fully potty-trained, reads on her own with impressive inflection, and has various hobbies, including reading, playing with dolls, and cheerleading. She enjoys makeup, fashion, and music—often singing along to the Grease soundtrack or songs by Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. Much like any typical preteen, she playfully teases us and argues with her brother. These moments of sass and sibling rivalry indicate her growth and maturation. It reassures me that her future may be bright.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I remember not knowing how to do laundry until a college friend taught me the essentials. Cooking? I can manage basic meals, but I was genuinely thrilled to discover my husband enjoys it. As for sports, catching a ball was never my strong suit.
I return to that evening at the stoplight, feeling inspired by the song I heard, which reminds me of my commitment to support my daughter, who has profoundly changed my life and captured my heart. Just as I pledged my vows to my husband, I made a promise to my daughter: I will always be there for you.
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In summary, the journey of parenting a child with autism involves navigating a complex landscape of emotions, challenges, and triumphs. By focusing on fostering independence, embracing progress, and celebrating her unique journey, I remain committed to being there for my daughter every step of the way.
Keyphrase: Supporting a daughter with autism
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