Updated: Aug. 3, 2023
Originally Published: Feb. 19, 2016
For those of us in our mid-40s, we find ourselves caught in the middle of two generations—one that often disregards our advice and another that struggles to comprehend it. We are the true “sandwich generation,” grappling with the challenges that arise as we face the inevitable reality of losing our parents and their contemporaries. This unsettling phase of life looms ahead, regardless of how often we seek to escape it.
What Does This Impending Reality Entail?
It signifies that the individuals who have nurtured and supported us throughout our lives, from our first steps to those awkward teenage years, will soon require our care in return. The once robust father who intimidated our dates has become frail and now needs assistance simply to rise from his seat. The mentors who instilled in us the values of right and wrong, taught us how to parallel park, and warned against mixing drinks will one day be gone.
This realization brings with it a profound sense of loss. The thought of stepping into the role of caretaker for our aging parents is daunting. Are we prepared for this responsibility? More importantly, are we ready to confront the goodbyes that await us?
Managing the Decline
However, saying goodbye is just one aspect. The real question is: how will we manage as they decline? Who will tackle the practical matters like bill payments and personal care? Who will discern when it’s time to sell the family home? Who will assist dad in keeping the neighborhood in check?
These concerns often flood my mind unexpectedly. On occasion, while walking through my parents’ cluttered garage, I find myself overwhelmed with emotion. I survey the accumulation of a lifetime—multiple sets of luggage, an extensive collection of tools, vinyl records from the golden era of rock, and scuba gear that hasn’t seen water since the late ’70s. I can’t help but mutter to myself, “This will all be mine someday.”
Yes, it will be my responsibility to sort, clean, and ultimately decide what to keep or discard. I can already anticipate my siblings’ critiques months later, lamenting how I mishandled everything and suggesting that Mom should have entrusted them with the decisions.
Challenges Inside the Home
Inside the house, things are equally challenging. A recent request from my sister to retrieve her yearbook from under Mom’s bed prompted me to decline—there are certain things I prefer not to confront, like ancient Christmas wrapping paper or the potential for nightmares.
As the years progress, I will be the one responsible for caring for our aging relatives as they become more challenging. The traits that have driven us away in our youth don’t vanish with age. The relatives who monopolized conversations with their ailments or engaged in endless Law & Order marathons will still exhibit those habits, even in their frailty.
Coping with Humor
Humor becomes my coping mechanism. If I didn’t find ways to laugh, I might succumb to despair. I experience irritation, guilt, and an array of mixed emotions. Yet, when the time comes, I will strive to be present, hold hands, and endure those repetitive episodes of Law & Order with grace. I will do my utmost to alleviate their suffering while keeping spirits high.
I often reflect on the fact that I, too, will eventually age. One day, it will be my children listening to my stories, enduring my quirks, and managing my own cluttered collections. This thought makes traversing a messy garage slightly more bearable.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while the phase of life that we are entering is undeniably unsettling, it is also a time for growth, understanding, and compassion.
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