You Don’t Need to Point Out My Son’s Size

Parenting Insights

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My son had recently celebrated his 5th birthday—the first year he truly grasped the significance of being 5 and the excitement that accompanies leaving the age of 4 behind. I often find myself wishing I could embrace birthdays with the same enthusiasm.

“Am I a big boy now, Mommy?” he asked with innocent curiosity.

“Yes, sweetheart. You are a big boy,” I promised him.

A few days later, while we were out running errands, a friendly woman in the deli inquired about his age.

“I’m 5,” he declared proudly, embodying the spirit of a new 5-year-old.

The woman glanced at me, seemingly doubtful. “Is he really 5?” she asked.

I smiled and nodded, not thinking twice about her need for verification. Children have their quirks; my daughter once insisted she was 27 years old.

“Wow. But he’s so little,” she remarked, reaching to playfully tousle my son’s hair. “Doesn’t your Mommy feed you enough?” Her tone was light-hearted, yet her words felt like a sting.

I’m well aware of my son’s size. Her comment, though likely innocent, felt like a jab, questioning my abilities as a parent. It was merely a blatant observation, but still, it stung.

After we bought our groceries, my son was unusually quiet. He didn’t greet fellow shoppers with his usual exuberance or engage in his typical negotiation for a box of Spiderman fruit snacks.

“What’s wrong, buddy?” I asked.

“Mommy, you said I was big,” he said, looking at me with disappointment.

He had a valid point. I had spent the past week praising his growth, only for a stranger’s remark to shatter that confidence.

How do I navigate this?

Though Kyle is 5, he is more akin to a tall 2-year-old. His 2T pants fit snugly but are a tad short. He might also resemble a short 3-year-old, but you get the idea—he’s small.

Despite his size, he is healthy. His early life was challenging; he was born with severe digestive issues and was orphaned shortly after birth. We adopted him post his 3rd birthday when he was significantly underweight. Over the past two years, I have worked diligently to ensure he receives proper nutrition and care.

Yes, he is tiny. Perhaps his lack of proper care in critical development stages contributes to his stature, or maybe genetics play a role. I don’t have all the answers. Perhaps he will experience a growth spurt soon and tower over his classmates. Only time will tell.

He doesn’t even appear on the growth charts for his age, but he is managing well. In the early days of our togetherness, I focused on enriching his diet, adding heavy cream and butter to meals to boost calorie intake, always worrying if he was getting enough nutrients. Despite his rocky start, he is thriving—healthy yet still small. I am acutely aware of his size.

With each inquiry about Kyle’s age, I internally brace myself for the inevitable comments—those “Wow, really? He’s such a little guy” remarks are becoming increasingly difficult to digest as he matures and begins to comprehend the words spoken about him. I reassure him of his growth, as any mother of a 5-year-old would, but I find myself offering more pep talks about differences due to the unintentional remarks from well-meaning strangers.

If my son were overweight, would people make similar comments aloud in his presence? Would they say, “Wow, that’s a hefty one you’ve got there” or “What are you feeding him?”

Body image conversations are especially relevant today. A quick glance online reveals countless articles emphasizing the importance of teaching children that inner qualities matter more than outward appearances. However, it seems that while it’s generally unacceptable to comment on someone being overweight, it’s often deemed acceptable to point out someone being underweight. Yet, it’s important to remember that making remarks about anyone’s body—regardless of shape or size—is inappropriate.

I understand my son is small, but he is also strong. His petite frame does not hinder him from running, climbing, or kicking a ball. Interestingly, he claims that picking up his toys is “too hard” and makes him tired. Will he one day be the tallest kid in his class? Perhaps. He is only 5; his future is still unwritten. Whether he becomes a star athlete or a renowned jockey, my hopes lie in him becoming a happy and well-adjusted individual. His potential is not constrained by his physical size.

I acknowledge my son’s small stature, but I kindly ask that comments regarding his body—and anyone else’s—remain unspoken. Thank you.

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Summary

In this article, the author shares a heartfelt account of her experiences with her son Kyle, who, despite being healthy, is smaller than his peers. The story reflects on how well-meaning comments from strangers can impact a child’s self-esteem, emphasizing the importance of refraining from commenting on anyone’s body, regardless of size. The author highlights the challenges of navigating societal perceptions while fostering a positive self-image in her son.

Keyphrase: My son is small

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