Dear Emily,
At just under 9 years old and still in third grade, you embody the spirit of a little girl. While I look forward to the day when I can write you a letter about the strong woman I hope you will grow into, this isn’t that letter. Instead, it’s time for a candid conversation.
This isn’t the talk you might be anticipating—that will come eventually. No, this is about something else, something important: the behavior of certain individuals in sports—specifically, an unpleasant experience we had last fall during your volleyball season.
You might recall the game where I coached your team and we faced off against another at a different gym. The coach from the opposing team was, to put it mildly, quite rude. That’s the individual I want to discuss.
Though a few months have passed since that game, you may have forgotten how he treated the referee with disdain. He disrespected her authority with snarky comments and gesticulations, aiming to undermine her decisions and distract from the game. He even rallied his players and their parents to mock her every time a call went in our favor, and he made obnoxious sounds whenever we scored.
You once asked me why he was so unkind. It’s a question that has lingered with me. Having participated in various sports throughout my life—from dance as a toddler to softball and volleyball in school, and now coaching you—I know what it means to foster a positive environment for players.
That coach? He’s going about it all wrong.
The essence of participating in sports is to cultivate good sportsmanship. At your age, it’s just as crucial to learn about respect, fairness, and teamwork as it is to master skills like passing and serving. I firmly believe that winning and losing are part of the game, but learning to navigate both gracefully is just as vital.
Respect for coaches, teammates, and referees is a cornerstone of sportsmanship. Referees play a key role in making the game possible; without them, it’s merely practice. They deserve our respect—not just from players, but from coaches and parents too.
When a coach resorts to yelling at a referee over a questionable call, it sends a message that winning is the only thing that matters. It can teach children that it’s acceptable to disrespect authority figures. That’s simply unacceptable behavior. If there’s one takeaway from this, it’s that we should extend grace to those who volunteer their time for our benefit.
As you grow, the game will become more nuanced, and referees will evolve into knowledgeable facilitators of the sport. But for now, when a referee dedicates her Saturday to allow young players like you to enjoy volleyball, it’s important to appreciate her efforts. There are no championships at stake, so let’s not act like there are.
Perspective is everything, sweetheart.
You may have forgotten how that game ended by now, and guess what? I’m not going to tell you. Because honestly, it’s just a game and only someone truly misguided would focus on the win/loss record of a group of 8-year-olds.
With love,
Mom
In Summary
This letter emphasizes the importance of sportsmanship, respect, and perspective in youth sports. It highlights the detrimental effects of unsportsmanlike behavior exhibited by some coaches and reinforces the need for appreciation of all individuals involved in the game.
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