Over the past six years of motherhood, I’ve observed a troubling trend within parenting communities that has left me feeling not only uncomfortable but also frustrated. Many parents seem to wear their approach to race as a badge of honor, believing themselves to be progressive, open-minded, and tolerant. However, this perspective is misguided.
The concept of colorblindness—teaching children to ignore race—does not counter racism; rather, it supports it.
A couple of years back, while waiting outside my daughter’s preschool for her class to be dismissed, I overheard a little boy exclaim, “Mom! There are brown kids in my class! Three brown kids!” His mother’s reaction was swift and severe—she shushed him, glancing around to see who might have overheard. The boy’s expression transformed from excitement to confusion, as he wondered if he had said something inappropriate.
That Christmas Eve, following a church service, my family and I settled down for dinner at a nearly empty restaurant. A young girl, around five, crept toward our table, her gaze fixed on my two-year-old and my newborn, who has deep brown skin.
“Hi,” she said softly.
“Hi,” I responded, anticipating her question.
“Are those your kids?” she inquired.
“Yes,” I answered, noticing the startled looks from her parents as they became aware of their daughter’s curiosity.
The girl studied us, her mind working through the thoughts she wanted to express. Her parents remained frozen at their table, seemingly unsure of how to proceed. I seized the moment to clarify: “My kids are adopted. Do you know what adopted means?”
She didn’t respond but was clearly intrigued.
“They came from another mommy, but that mommy couldn’t take care of them. So we take care of them now. They are our children.”
Then, she asked a profound question for someone so young: “Do they see their other mommies?”
“Yes,” I replied. “We visit their other mommies.”
“My baby brother uses the same bottles as your baby,” she noted.
At that moment, I caught a glimpse of relief on her parents’ faces; the topic had shifted. Her father called her back to their table.
This was not an isolated incident. I’ve encountered many curious children, like a little boy at the park who asked me how I could be the mother of my black children. Or the cashier who looked at my son, with his curly hair and caramel skin, and asked, “Is that your kid?” Even a girl in my eldest child’s class once wondered if my daughter and another black girl were sisters, prompting me to explain that sharing skin color does not imply familial ties.
In each case, these children were seeking truth. As parents, we must recognize that the worst way to undermine a child’s understanding of race is to shun, silence, or avoid their inquiries and observations. Children are perceptive; they can sense when we offer idealistic philosophies instead of genuine dialogue. Avoidance breeds distrust and confusion—qualities that hinder healthy relationships.
By promoting colorblindness rather than engaging in honest discussions, we dismiss an essential aspect of our children’s identities and deny them the opportunity to acknowledge, understand, and appreciate differences.
When your child points out a family that looks different or expresses excitement over a friend’s appearance, or asks difficult questions about racism, take a moment to breathe, sit down, and engage in an honest conversation.
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In summary, fostering an open and honest dialogue about race is crucial for nurturing your child’s understanding and acceptance of diversity. Embrace the uncomfortable conversations; they are essential for growth.
Keyphrase: Understanding Race in Children
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