Parenting
By Jane Thompson
Updated: August 3, 2016
Originally Published: December 29, 2015
As a full-time working mother, my day begins with a commute to the office from 8:30 a.m. to 5 p.m. I lead a team within my business area, juggling responsibilities and deadlines. After work, I transition into family mode—picking up my kids from after-school care, preparing dinner, and engaging in meaningful conversations with them. I read bedtime stories, ensure they feel cherished, and then tackle household chores and my writing during what little “me time” I have left. My weekends are consumed by ferrying my children to dance and swimming lessons, striving to provide them with enriching extracurricular activities that are hard to fit in during the week.
This is our reality—a consistent routine repeated week after week. I don’t find it more “challenging” or “exhausting” than any other style of motherhood, as I’ve experienced various roles: stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom, and now, working mom. Yet, there’s one phrase I hear frequently that irks me: “I don’t know how you do it!”
While I appreciate the sentiment behind this comment, it often reflects a lack of consideration for what it implies. When someone says, “I don’t know how you do it,” they may be unintentionally conveying several underlying messages that diminish the role of a full-time working mother:
‘It’s too much for one woman.’
When did balancing work and family become an insurmountable task? Why do we assume that women, who excel at multitasking, cannot successfully manage a career while being attentive mothers? Why has pursuing fulfilling activities turned into an overwhelming challenge of motherhood?
‘I couldn’t do it.’
In reality, you could do it. You already are doing it in your own way. There’s no hidden superpower or special qualification required to navigate life as I do—just like you, I wake up each day and tackle a mix of tasks, some enjoyable and others necessary. The differences in our to-do lists don’t alter the fact that we’re both working hard.
‘And what about the kids?’
At a recent parent-teacher meeting, my daughter’s teacher remarked, “Your daughter is one of the hardest working kids here! She’s always busy from morning until after-school care.” And there it was again: “I don’t know how you do it.” With my vibrant child sitting beside me, thriving and exceeding expectations, such comments feel misplaced. Shouldn’t we be encouraging our children to believe that it’s possible to “have it all,” regardless of what “all” means? Should we imply to a successful six-year-old that her parents are failing her because both are working? Moreover, do we need to suggest that the challenges faced by stay-at-home moms are any less significant? If my daily life is akin to climbing a mountain, what does that say about those who choose to stay home? Are their experiences any less demanding?
Saying to a working mom, “I don’t know how you do it,” is akin to telling a stay-at-home mom, “I don’t know how you do so little.” When I was a stay-at-home mom, such a comment would have been hurtful. I was facing a different set of challenges. I doubt there is any mother who isn’t working hard each day. The notion that one type of mother is succeeding while another is not is simply absurd.
Expressing appreciation for each other is vital, but it would be even better to find ways to do so without undermining one another. For those interested in exploring additional resources regarding home insemination, visit Cryobaby for valuable insights, or check out BabyMaker for expert guidance on insemination kits. Additionally, Johns Hopkins Medicine offers excellent information on fertility and related services.
In conclusion, working motherhood is a balancing act that deserves recognition and respect, regardless of the choices each mother makes. Let’s foster an environment of support and understanding rather than comparison.
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