Two years prior, my nine-year-old son, who we’ll call Jacob, approached me with tears in his eyes, expressing a deep desire that had been with him throughout his life: he wanted to be a girl. With the encouragement of our therapist, who was present during this pivotal moment, Jacob clarified that he wasn’t just wishing to be a girl; he identified as one. Thus commenced an unexpected and transformative journey into the world of raising a transgender child, a path I never anticipated for either him or myself.
From the beginning, my partner, Mark, and I recognized that Jacob—now Lily—was unique compared to our other child as well as his peers. With sparkling eyes and a lively, humorous spirit, he was a well-known figure in any setting. He thrived on engaging conversations, especially when they revolved around dolls, dresses, wigs, or even mermaid tails. His vibrant personality drew people in, but certain behaviors during preschool and early elementary school raised our concerns. His self-portraits consistently depicted a girl in a flowing dress, which left us puzzled. We initially thought he might grow up to be gay, but we struggled to fully embrace that notion. He was a boy who admired feminine beauty and expressed a strong desire for dolls and dresses, constantly vying for them despite his otherwise boyish demeanor.
One particular request stood out: he wanted a pierced ear. Initially, we dismissed this as a trend only for girls, but as his insistence grew, it became evident that this was more than a simple desire. It was a necessity for him. We eventually agreed, thinking it would satisfy him while he patiently awaited the growth of his hair—a compromise to quell his relentless requests for wigs and hair extensions. In fact, as we prepared for the piercing, he made a pointed request to ensure it was in the ear that wouldn’t imply “gay.” It was a sign of the courage he was mustering to share his true identity with us.
Shortly after the ear piercing, Jacob revealed his truth. It took me a moment to process his words—a moment that felt surreal, as I had convinced myself that such experiences belonged to other families, never ours. However, the reality was undeniable. Over the next few weeks, we witnessed a remarkable change in Jacob’s demeanor. It was clear that a heavy burden had been lifted, and he was beginning to embrace his true self.
Then came “the article.” On a Sunday in December, coinciding with Jacob’s tenth birthday, a feature in The Boston Globe caught my attention. It detailed the story of identical twin boys, one of whom identified as transgender and was now living fully as a girl. As I read, Jacob came up behind me, saw the photo, and exclaimed, “You mean I’m not the only one?” That moment marked the birth of Lily, who quickly became an integral part of our family.
The following day, I dropped Jacob off at school and reassured him that we would formulate a plan. He remained calm until mid-morning, when he felt the urge to share his truth with a teacher. There was no grand reveal—just a simple declaration that opened the door to his new identity. The next day happened to be pajama day at school, and after a hurried trip to the store, I dressed my “son” in vibrant polka-dotted pajamas. Without hesitation, he dashed into school, embodying the girl he had always felt he was. It seemed almost like this moment had been a long-awaited culmination of his journey.
Since those initial days, we have navigated various experiences, including a second ear piercing and numerous discussions with teachers, friends, and family. At times, we found ourselves retreating, grappling with the implications of having a transgender child. Other times, we embraced the journey openly—like when we shared Lily’s story on social media, featuring a photo of her in her first dress. We chose this route as a way to communicate her identity to others without having to explain it repeatedly. Overall, the response has been overwhelmingly positive, marked by acceptance and a mutual learning experience for us all.
If only every family faced with a similar journey could experience such understanding and support.
In summary, supporting a transgender child brings both challenges and profound rewards. The journey from Jacob to Lily has transformed not only our child but our entire family dynamic, fostering understanding and acceptance. For parents navigating similar paths, resources like March of Dimes and insights from Make a Mom can be invaluable. For those interested in home insemination, Make a Mom’s at-home insemination kit serves as an authoritative resource on the topic.
Keyphrase: Supporting a transgender child
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