When my first child, Sam, was born, my life revolved entirely around him. Every aspect of my day was planned to accommodate his nap times, feeding schedule, and moods. While I occasionally deviated from this routine, as a stay-at-home mom, I had the luxury to prioritize his needs. I found joy in ensuring he was well-rested and well-fed, believing that a content child equated to a happy parent. However, I may have been overly focused on perfection, which is a common trait among new parents.
Fast forward to the arrival of my second child, Leo. By the time he was just a few weeks old, I was already wrestling him into his car seat to drop Sam off at school. (Is it just me, or do babies often loathe car rides?) Leo’s life quickly adapted to accommodate his older brother’s schedule, and my attention was frequently split, leading to a sense of chaos. It became evident that I needed to ease my standards or risk losing my sanity.
All the ideals and perfectionism I had with Sam quickly vanished. Flexibility became essential for survival. Now that Leo is 3, I find myself doing things with him that I would have never considered doing with Sam—some of it out of necessity, but much of it stems from sheer exhaustion. Here are a few of those realizations:
1. Using Candy as Bribes
As a new mom, I would have scoffed at the idea of using sweets for motivation, thinking there were healthier ways to manage difficult moments. Yet, when Leo refuses to put on pants before school pick-up, I resort to offering him “healthier” lollipops (crafted with organic sugar). But let’s be honest—I’m bribing him with candy because he needs to get dressed quickly.
2. Incomplete Baby Books
With Sam, I meticulously chronicled every milestone: his first coo, bath, and even the first time he laughed at the ceiling fan. Leo? Well, we noted his first word, but I’m not quite sure about his first steps. And honestly, I can’t even recall where I placed the baby book.
3. Loosened Screen Time Restrictions
I vividly remember Sam’s initial foray into television. At two years old, he was captivated by a show based on his beloved books. In contrast, Leo was introduced to screens the moment he snatched the iPad from Sam, and I was too preoccupied with dinner to intervene.
4. Earlier Junk Food Introduction
Sam thought granola bars were a dessert and didn’t taste ice cream until he was nearly two. By the time Leo was born, Sam was a candy-loving kindergartner. Leo, at six months, discovered Halloween candy in the cabinet and immediately devoured Hershey’s Kisses. There was no going back from that point.
5. Doctor and Dentist Visits Become Infrequent
For Sam, every doctor’s appointment felt like a personal victory, a testament that I was doing well as a mother. I scheduled his checkups promptly. Leo, on the other hand, is fortunate if I remember to brush his teeth, let alone arrange his dental cleanings—his three-year checkup is now three months overdue.
6. Spontaneous Playdates
Sam had a well-organized social calendar filled with regular playdates and classes. In contrast, Leo is more of a spontaneous participant, often tagging along with older kids and enjoying impromptu gatherings rather than structured outings.
Allowing myself the grace to bend these rules has illustrated that children are remarkably resilient. A bit of extra candy and screen time won’t scar them for life, and indulging in Pirate Booty for breakfast isn’t a crime. Though I still hold firm to certain routines, I’ve learned that occasional flexibility can lead to a more joyful household. After all, embracing laughter over perfection makes for a happier family dynamic.
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In summary, the transition from one child to two can lead to a relaxed approach to parenting. Embracing this flexibility can create a more enjoyable environment for both parents and children.
Keyphrase: parenting after first child
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