As a parent, I often observe those with seemingly perfect children, radiating joy and confidence. Yet, when I share my own child’s struggles—with a hospitalization due to severe mental health issues—their expressions shift. I notice the cocktail of pity, concern, and judgment in their eyes, a silent implication that “this could never happen to my child.” Over recent months, I’ve become all too familiar with this reaction.
I too believed my child would be immune to such challenges. I was once like you, questioning what kind of environment leads to these problems and assuming that, more often than not, it must be the parents’ fault.
My child was joyful once—just like yours. Now, the vibrant girl who brought light to every room is in intensive care, battling an eating disorder and the aftermath of a suicide attempt.
It’s easy to assume that such issues only affect other families or result from poor parenting. We want to believe that mental health can be maintained by simply being a “good enough” parent—by showing love, affection, and warmth. This belief provides a sense of safety, a notion I clung to for a long time.
Yet, I consider myself a devoted mother. I listen attentively, allow my children to express themselves, and foster a loving environment devoid of yelling or physical punishment. We share laughter, enjoy family time, and communicate openly about our feelings, including those difficult emotions like sadness and anger. We have a comfortable home, ample food, and plenty of love to go around.
My daughter is beloved by her friends and is a straight-A student, excelling in school and music. She plays multiple instruments and harbors dreams of becoming a veterinarian, driven by her love for animals. If you encountered her today, you might not recognize the turmoil hidden beneath her bright exterior.
This experience emphasizes our skewed perception of mental illness and where it originates. Media portrayals often depict mental health struggles in extreme, violent contexts—mass shootings and criminal behavior—rather than everyday realities. Rarely do we see images of a seemingly normal teen suffering from self-harm and eating disorders until tragedy strikes.
What remains unseen is the mask people wear to appear “fine,” the shame and guilt that accompany their struggles, and the often dismissive responses from those around them. Insensitive remarks like “stop seeking attention” or “you’re being too dramatic” only deepen their suffering.
So when you look at me, please don’t see a mother who has failed in some way. Instead, recognize a parent fighting tirelessly for her child’s life, just as you would for your own. Educate yourself about teen mental health and challenge the stigma surrounding it. Advocate against body-shaming, listen intently to your child, and heed your intuition when something feels off.
Pity and judgment are unproductive; mental health issues can affect any family, regardless of how “normal” they may appear. I hope it never touches your life, but if it does, know I will stand by your side as you navigate this challenging journey, just as I am doing for my own.
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