In my mid-thirties, after an unexpected pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, my partner and I made the decision to actively pursue starting a family. Experiencing a pregnancy, even briefly, ignited a crucial conversation about our future together. It quickly became clear that we wanted children, and following a second miscarriage, our desire shifted from “someday” to “let’s start now.” We feared that our ability to conceive might be limited, overshadowing our financial concerns.
At the time, we were not in a strong financial position. Neither of us had traditional jobs, nor did we have health insurance or a safety net. I was working as a bartender, while my partner was a musician. Despite our precarious situation, we began to save a little money to prepare for the day I would need to take time off work. A few years later, our first child arrived.
After his birth, I took a brief hiatus from work, but our financial needs prompted me to return to bartending sooner than planned. During this time, I began writing as a side hustle, leveraging my storytelling skills honed from years behind the bar. My partner and I balanced our schedules to ensure one of us was always available for our son, integrating into the vibrant, yet increasingly expensive, family community in our Brooklyn neighborhood.
As we navigated parenthood, we questioned our ability to sustain city life on our modest incomes. A couple of years later, I found myself sitting on the toilet in our cramped apartment, staring at a positive pregnancy test for a second child—something I had never anticipated after our struggles to conceive initially.
On the surface, our life may appear atypical compared to the average American family: a musician performing in various venues and a writer earning from her words. Our unconventional lifestyle likely raised eyebrows regarding our decision to expand our family, given our financial constraints. However, our situation mirrors that of many Americans today, where living paycheck to paycheck has become the norm.
Despite being classified as “middle class,” there’s rarely any surplus in our finances. Our monthly income is consumed by necessary expenses, leaving little room for discretionary spending. We don’t lead extravagant lives; we don’t own property or new vehicles, and our expenditures are limited to essentials—two working adults with two children in daycare.
In discussions about financial readiness for parenthood, a recurring comment is often, “Don’t have kids if you can’t afford them.” This raises an interesting dilemma: Should financial readiness dictate our desire to start a family? The reality is that many are in similar situations, as the middle class continues to face economic challenges while the costs associated with raising children rise.
The figures are alarming. A 2012 report highlighted staggering increases in various sectors: college tuition soared by 1120 percent, medical expenses by 601 percent, and food costs by 244 percent. Childcare expenses alone have nearly doubled in the past 25 years, making it increasingly difficult for families to make ends meet. Those living below the poverty line face even steeper challenges, spending about 30 percent of their income on childcare.
Historically, the hope was for children to have a better life than their parents. Yet, with stagnant wages and rising costs, that aspiration feels increasingly out of reach. The question arises: Should only the affluent be permitted to raise families? When someone advises against having kids due to financial constraints, they may not realize they are addressing a significant portion of the population.
Expecting individuals to maintain financial stability amidst stagnant wages and soaring living costs is unrealistic. Likewise, asking people to abandon their dreams of parenthood is unthinkable. I would never suggest to couples in our situation that they should refrain from having children simply because of financial limitations. We need families that are invested in change. We must confront the realities facing the middle class. If a middle-class income cannot cover the basic necessities of raising children, what does that mean for the future? I don’t have a definitive answer, but I do tell friends who feel they cannot afford children: “Have them anyway.” For those exploring options, resources like the at-home intracervical insemination syringe kit can provide assistance, while articles on IVF processes offer valuable insights.
In summary, the decision to start a family should not be solely dictated by financial readiness. Many families face similar economic realities, and navigating parenthood amidst financial constraints is a shared experience. Encouraging conversations around these topics may lead to necessary changes within our socio-economic landscape.
Keyphrase: Affording Children
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