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We Are A Genuine Family, Thank You Very Much
by Emily Thompson
Updated: Aug. 16, 2023
Originally Published: Dec. 17, 2015
My family frequently encounters questions, curious glances, and presumptive comments. Since my partner and I embraced parenthood five years ago, we’ve heard an array of inquiries, including:
- “Are they all your kids?”
- “I can’t imagine giving my baby away.”
- “Are you their caregiver?”
- “Isn’t adoption quite costly?”
- “Where do they come from?”
- “Why didn’t you adopt children of your own race?”
- “Aren’t many adopted kids, well, troubled?”
- “Does an open adoption confuse them?”
- “Oh! How wonderful that you adopted children in need of homes.”
- “Are they from foster care?”
- “Are you worried their biological parents might reclaim them?”
We’ve become adept at navigating this barrage of statements and questions. Rarely does a day pass without someone seeking clarification about our adoption journey.
Some people believe we’ve taken on the role of adoption educators. After all, we chose this path to parenthood, and our family structure is evident. My partner and I are white, while our three children are black. With each passing year, we’ve grown more outgoing, patient, and resilient. The inquiries we receive have become part of our daily norm. We can respond with education, grace, and honesty while safeguarding our children’s privacy.
However, one question consistently irks me, making my chest tighten and my face warm: “Are they real siblings?”
Picture yourself at a store with your family. As you navigate the checkout line, the person ahead turns around to observe your lively children, who are fidgeting and giggling. After a brief look at the scene—where you, the frazzled parent, attempt to manage your little ones while juggling a cart filled with groceries, diapers, and personal items—this person asks, “Are they real siblings?”
It’s an unexpected query, especially in a moment when your focus is on ensuring your kids are safe and happy. You’re just trying to buy necessities, like any other parent. Moreover, your children are present and deserve respect. They are not adoption’s poster children for interrogation.
Reflect for a moment on the people you deeply care for—your best friend, your partner or spouse, your parents, your niece’s step-son, your godchildren, your beloved neighbor, or that childhood teacher who always supported you. These individuals may not be your biological relatives, yet your affection for them is profound and genuine.
I’ve encountered the “real” question numerous times, often couched in different phrasing. I recognize that the word “real” is typically a stand-in for “biological,” and as an adult, I understand the distinction. However, please consider the innocent, beautiful children beside me when you choose your words. Describing them as “real” can be confusing, intrusive, and hurtful.
My children behave just like any other siblings. They pull each other’s hair, share hugs, snatch toys, enjoy baths together, and engage in countless rounds of Ring Around the Rosie. They argue, make up, and then argue again. They play and dance joyfully when their favorite song plays, nurturing one another along the way.
My children are real individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. Just so you know, they can hear when you pepper us, the parents, with questions about our family’s authenticity.
Our love is real.
Our family is real.
It’s all real.
Next time you encounter a family in a store, park, restaurant, or library that may appear to be formed through adoption, feel free to smile. But please save the word “real” for your thoughts only. As my mother wisely said, just because you think it doesn’t mean you need to voice it.
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Summary:
The article discusses the challenges and misunderstandings faced by adoptive families, particularly regarding the word “real” in relation to sibling relationships. The author shares personal experiences and emphasizes the importance of recognizing the love and authenticity within families formed through adoption or other means.
Keyphrase: Genuine Family Dynamics
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