A rather comical realization struck me while I was scrubbing up after my step-son’s midnight episode involving his beloved superhero-themed bedding—parenting is a wild ride! Admittedly, the thrill is somewhat dulled at 3 AM, but overall, I genuinely enjoy my role as a step-parent.
For many, the notion of cherishing step-parenthood is quite alien, leading me to encounter a slew of comments that can be rather frustrating. Some of these remarks have lingered in my mind, even causing me to second-guess my relationship with my Spider-Man-enthusiast, vomit-prone step-son. Here are five of the most irritating comments or inquiries I’ve encountered:
5. Are you planning to have your own children?
This question not only annoys me, but it’s also disrespectful to my partner. It insinuates that because he shares custody of his child, he doesn’t have a “real” child. Moreover, it’s not a question I’m comfortable answering in casual conversation. Sure, I’ve discussed our plans with close friends and family, but that’s between us. A more appropriate question would be, “Are you two considering expanding your family?” The answer is a resounding yes, and our son is thrilled at the prospect of becoming a big brother, recognizing us as a family eager to grow.
4. Are you prepared to be an instant mom?
Firstly, there’s nothing “instant” about parenting. My step-son isn’t some instant coffee or oatmeal. Luckily, I’ve been part of his life since he was two and a half, so it wasn’t a case of me saying, “I love you, but I want nothing to do with your child until after marriage.” Each family is unique, and as a step-parent, I believe in fostering a strong bond with my step-child. This connection takes time and effort, not a snap of the fingers.
3. Are you the wicked stepmother?
Oh, clever you! The stereotype of the “wicked stepmother” is pervasive in our culture. Let’s be real: being a step-parent doesn’t equate to being malevolent. Any parent will tell you that you can’t always be the fun one. Disciplining a child is challenging, whether you’re a biological parent or a step-parent. My partner and I enforce household rules when our son is with us, and while he usually listens, there are times he needs correction. Sometimes, I find myself alone with the responsibility of discipline, and I hope that taking away his favorite action figures for a time-out doesn’t make me “wicked.”
2. You don’t have kids… well, not really.
This usually arises in conversations with other “real” parents who are discussing parenting techniques, bedtime routines, or child-rearing strategies. I’ve often felt sidelined during these discussions, as “real” parents tend to exclude me, leaving me feeling like an outsider. Nevertheless, I’ve started sharing my thoughts and experiences, only to be met with the dismissive statement that I “don’t have children.” But I do! While I may not have given birth, my step-son is very much mine. Are adoptive parents not allowed to call themselves mom or dad? I engage in the same parenting practices as anyone else, which leads me to my final point.
1. Just you wait.
This phrase usually crops up when I express my thoughts on parenting. What exactly should I be waiting for? Changing diapers? Feeding or dressing a child? Being awakened at odd hours due to bed-wetting or sickness? Am I expected to just sit back and do nothing until then? During our time together, I’m actively engaged in my step-son’s life, not leaving him to his own devices while I binge-watch shows.
The most disheartening aspect of these remarks? They often come from friends or family. However, over the past three years, I’ve learned to navigate these comments with grace. After all, the hugs and smiles that brighten my day are genuine and belong to me. For those experiencing similar sentiments, know you’re not alone! And for those who might utter such remarks, a little understanding and support go a long way. Step-parents everywhere appreciate your consideration.
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In summary, step-parenting comes with its own set of challenges and misunderstandings, often magnified by well-meaning but misguided comments from others. Embracing the role and navigating these hurdles is essential for building strong family bonds.
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