By: Jessica Moore
Updated: Oct. 16, 2023
Originally Published: Dec. 12, 2015
The arrival of children fundamentally alters the dynamics of romantic relationships, including the concept of date nights. Reflecting on the days prior to parenthood, one might liken dating to a spirited celebration. My partner, Mark, and I still strive to carve out moments for ourselves, yet a night out now bears little resemblance to those carefree evenings of the past. Below, I outline the stark contrasts between our date nights before and after having children.
When
- Pre-Children: Dates were frequent—essentially every night was a potential outing.
- Post-Children: Our excursions have dwindled to roughly once a month.
Preparation Process
- Pre-Children: I would indulge in the luxury of time. My legs were impeccably smooth, my outfit meticulously chosen, and my makeup flawlessly applied, allowing for a few moments to relax before heading out.
- Post-Children: The reality is much different. I rush to prepare between feeding my kids and juggling bath time with two toddlers. My shaving routine is half-complete, and I often discover my jewelry being worn by my daughter. As I attempt to apply makeup, my child requests to use it repeatedly, resulting in a frantic search for my brushes. My outfit is a last-minute choice, and I sneak out of the house with hugs for the kids, hoping they won’t notice my absence.
Destination Decisions
- Pre-Children: Choosing a venue was often a drawn-out affair. We debated options, lamenting how we felt we had exhausted the local scene.
- Post-Children: Our choices are more straightforward now, thanks to a curated list of must-visit restaurants. Reservations are typically made in advance, and I am already anticipating what I will order. Often, it’s not purely a date night but a business dinner or an event we attend sans kids, which isn’t so bad!
Dining Experience
- Pre-Children: We would order drinks and savor our meals without a care in the world. Conversations flowed easily as we pondered our next move for the night.
- Post-Children: Dining out now feels like an indulgent treat. We relish each bite of our meals while keeping a watchful eye for any toddler hands reaching for our food. Discussions revolve around amusing anecdotes from our kids’ day, often sparked by a text from Grandma showcasing their antics.
Evening Activities
- Pre-Children: We would head to a bar post-dinner, carefree and full of energy. Nights often extended well into the early hours, filled with spontaneous fun.
- Post-Children: After a single drink, the worry sets in about how the kids are faring. As the clock ticks past 10 p.m., we start contemplating heading home, even if we are tempted to indulge just a little longer.
Returning Home
- Pre-Children: Arriving home in the early morning hours was the norm, often stopping for late-night snacks.
- Post-Children: We find ourselves returning home around midnight, feeling the weight of time away. Sneaking into bed, we are often met with curious little voices asking about our whereabouts.
The Following Day
- Pre-Children: We would wake up ready to socialize, often planning for a relaxing day filled with friends and football.
- Post-Children: Instead, we awaken feeling like we’ve been run over by a truck, with early wake-up calls from our children reminding us that life continues regardless of our late-night escapades.
Date nights are vital for maintaining a healthy marriage, though they become increasingly challenging to schedule with children in the picture. Despite the frequency of such outings dwindling, I make it a priority to create special moments whenever possible. Sometimes even a short car ride with sleeping kids in the back can feel like a date.
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Summary
Date nights evolve significantly after the arrival of children. While the carefree nature of pre-kid outings gives way to more structured and infrequent events, the importance of maintaining a romantic connection remains crucial. Parents must adapt to new realities, finding joy in even the simplest moments together.
Keyphrase: Date nights after kids
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