Our family has chosen not to embrace the Santa Claus tradition. This decision isn’t a criticism of the beloved figure—it’s simply not a part of our family’s practices. We enjoy festive films featuring Santa (those holiday classics can be quite amusing), and we share the story of St. Nicholas with our children. However, we don’t engage in the customary Santa rituals: no leaving out cookies and milk, no naughty or nice lists, and certainly no gifts attributed to the iconic figure.
I hold no resentment toward the countless parents who do celebrate Santa. Every family has its own customs, and for many, Santa is a cherished component of the holiday season. My concern arises when individuals inquire of my children about what Santa brought them for Christmas.
Typically, these questions come from well-meaning strangers at the grocery store or staff at various businesses. While I appreciate the friendly gestures, the underlying assumptions behind these inquiries can be a bit irksome. It presupposes not only that we celebrate Christmas, but also that we participate in the Santa tradition. Is this assumption based on my appearance as a typical American woman? It feels somewhat presumptuous.
I understand that many people might not consider the diversity of beliefs and practices. The majority of Americans do celebrate Christmas, and a significant number of parents do partake in the Santa narrative. Nevertheless, I would never assume that someone I encounter in public fits into that category.
What truly frustrates me about these Santa-related questions is the awkward position they place my children in—especially when they are young. The question, although wrapped in the warmth of the holiday spirit and accompanied by nostalgic sentiments, is not as harmless as it seems. When my kids respond honestly by saying, “We don’t do Santa,” it often leads to an uncomfortable silence, causing the questioner’s smile to falter, even if only momentarily. Their truthful response can feel like a disappointment, as if they have disrupted a delightful exchange.
My children are naturally shy, making interactions with strangers challenging. When faced with the query, “What did you ask Santa to bring you for Christmas?” they cannot respond without letting down the person asking. I have witnessed this scenario unfold repeatedly. The surprise on the questioner’s face leads to an awkward pause, and my kids inevitably feel responsible for the discomfort. It’s a tough situation for them to navigate, especially at the tender ages of 5 or 6. They often look to me for guidance, silently asking, “What should I say?” I usually step in with a lighthearted, “Oh, we don’t actually do Santa,” before shifting the topic, though I dislike speaking on their behalf. It creates an unnecessarily strange dynamic.
This entire situation could be avoided if individuals refrained from making assumptions about the people they encounter. I’m not suggesting that we eliminate holiday conversations. There are plenty of neutral questions that can be posed, such as, “Do you have any exciting plans for the holiday break?” This question can even be framed with the term “Christmas break” if desired, without imposing assumptions on the other person’s beliefs. In contrast, asking, “What did you ask Santa to bring you?” carries an implicit expectation.
This is simply a gentle request. I recognize that discussions surrounding “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy Holidays” can be sensitive, and many people cherish the Santa tradition. Please remember that numerous families—some who may otherwise celebrate Christmas—do not include Santa in their festivities. By presuming that they do, you risk creating an awkward moment for both yourself and the child you’re addressing.
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In summary, while traditions vary greatly among families, a little awareness can go a long way in fostering positive interactions during the holiday season.
Keyphrase: Parents Who Don’t Do Santa
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