Updated: Oct. 23, 2023
Originally Published: November 27, 2015
In a recent visit to urgent care, I couldn’t help but notice the doctor’s disapproving glance directed at my 2-year-old daughter, Mia. After handing me a prescription, she turned to Mia and stated, “We say excuse me!” My discomfort deepened as she questioned where Mia had learned to shout “woohoo!” instead of the more polite phrase. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me.
Mia is undeniably strong-willed, often described as spirited. I believe she uttered “I can do it” well before she formed her first words. Her days are filled with relentless activity, as if she’s adhering to a tightly packed schedule. I often find myself competing for her attention, employing various strategies that, regrettably, sometimes backfire—much like that day in urgent care. Stuffing the prescription into my bag, I shrugged and hurried away, grappling with feelings of inadequacy and sadness. In that fleeting moment, the doctor had reduced my daughter to a single behavior, while she is, in reality, so much more.
I prefer to think of Mia not as “strong-willed,” but rather as a child who is “going places”—both literally, as she dashes off on her adventures, and figuratively, as her robust personality propels her forward. However, anyone familiar with spirited children understands the challenges that accompany such traits. There are the judgmental glances from medical professionals, the stares from shoppers at the grocery store, and even unsolicited advice from family members. The pressure to conform to societal norms can be overwhelming, with everyone attempting to “fix” what they perceive as undesirable behavior.
A Positive Perspective Shift
But what if we reframed these characteristics into something positive? Consider this perspective shift:
- My daughter isn’t disobedient; she’s independent.
- My daughter isn’t aggressive; she’s confident.
- My daughter isn’t outspoken; she’s vocal.
- My daughter isn’t a troublemaker; she’s brave.
- My daughter isn’t emotional; she’s expressive.
- My daughter isn’t selfish; she’s determined.
- My daughter isn’t strong-willed; she’s powerful.
At just nine months, Mia could strike a pose with her hands on her hips, asserting her presence with a fierce determination. Her spirited nature sometimes results in loud protests when things don’t go her way, commanding attention in the playground. She has zero tolerance for waiting in line or mismatched outfits. The word “time-out” evokes a response so loud that I’m certain the neighbors can hear. Despite the challenges, her exuberance is remarkable. Beneath her spirited exterior lies a child who is learning to navigate her emotions in a world that often feels overwhelming.
It’s vital to acknowledge that a 2-year-old is incapable of acting with malice. Strong-willed children aren’t deliberately being difficult; they are simply navigating an intricate world. Observers should pay closer attention during these moments. For instance, watch Mia on her first day of preschool—fearless and ready to engage. She approaches new experiences and peers with a confidence that even the principal would admire. With such determination, peer pressure is unlikely to deter her. Yes, she’s strong-willed; yes, she’s powerful. This child is destined for greatness.
So, thank you for the prescription, doctor. However, when it comes to advice about my daughter’s behavior? No, we’ll manage just fine. Please refrain from judging or labeling her. She is thriving and is much more than a snapshot of a single moment.
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In summary, nurturing a strong-willed child involves embracing their unique personality and reframing perceived challenges into strengths. As parents, we should remain steadfast in our belief that these children are equipped for the journey ahead.
Keyphrase: Understanding Strong-Willed Children
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