In the realm of parenthood, it is undeniable that I occupy the role of the favored parent. My child’s cries in the night are directed solely at me. I am the one she rushes to when she sustains a minor injury, and I am the first person she seeks upon our return home. Yet, this favored status comes with its own set of trials.
Initially, I never anticipated feeling burdened by this role. The desire for a child stemmed from the longing to experience the profound, unconditional love that young children can so freely offer. Over the past couple of years, I have indeed basked in that love, relishing the warmth of her hugs, participating in her imaginative play, and solving her toddler-sized dilemmas. However, these cherished interactions are accompanied by a significant price.
Being the preferred parent means being perpetually available. In the dead of night, I know that if my child calls out, it will be for me. Rare evenings out turn into anxious worries about whether she is managing without me, and returning home to find her still awake after hours of tears can be disheartening. The thought of a weekend getaway never crosses my mind. The physical demands are relentless—she clings to my leg, tugs at my arm, and even scratches my face in her fervor for proximity.
Saturdays Illustrate This Dynamic
My daughter awakens at the crack of dawn, calling for “Mummy! Need mummy!” While I hope for a few extra minutes of sleep, my partner, groggy and reluctant, rises to attend to her. Yet, the moment my partner enters the room, my child’s calls escalate into frantic cries for me. I turn off the monitor in an attempt to block out the noise, but the sound of her distress lingers in my mind, compelling me to surrender to her needs and venture downstairs, still weary.
The most challenging aspect of being the favored parent is the emotional toll it takes on my partner, Jamie. Each time our child calls for me, it is a silent rejection of Jamie’s presence. When Jamie responds to her pleas, the rejection becomes explicit: our child often insists, “No! Not you! Mummy!” As a toddler, she is too young to comprehend the implications of her words or to show consideration for Jamie’s feelings. This favoritism is further complicated in our two-mom family, where our child’s preference cannot simply be attributed to traditional maternal bonds. When she favors me, she is making a conscious choice between her two mothers. This leads to moments filled with questions—“Why does she H-A-T-E me?” Jamie asks, anxiously.
It is crucial to clarify that our child does not harbor any hatred towards her other mother. On many mornings, she greets Jamie with open arms and excitement. Both Jamie and I receive our fair share of affection, including hugs, kisses, and artworks crafted in her toddler style. Jamie reads bedtime stories that our child loves, even if I’m not present for those moments. When our child expresses her love, it is heartfelt and sincere, yet it does not diminish the reality of my favored status.
Strategies to Mitigate Favoritism
In an effort to mitigate this favoritism, we employ strategies we hope will balance our roles. We take turns responding to her needs, and despite the chaos that bedtime can bring, I still make time for outings. When she cries as I leave the room, I resist the urge to turn back. We strive to reassure one another; Jamie often reminds me, “It’s OK! We’ll be fine! You go out!” And indeed, I do go out, and everything turns out fine.
When Jamie revisits her concerns—“Why does she H-A-T-E me?”—I gently remind her that our child’s love encompasses both of us, even when she seeks me out. I reassure us both that being the favored parent, with all of its demands, is a temporary phase. There will come a time when Jamie assumes the role of confidante and comforter, and I may become the target of typical teenage angst. On that day, we will remind our child of the love that surrounds her from both of us, assuring her that she never has to choose between us; both of us love her unconditionally.
Ultimately, the true favorite in our family is clear: it is our child.
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Summary
Being the favored parent brings both joy and challenges, including the emotional impact on the other parent in a two-mom family. The experiences shared highlight the complexities of favoritism in parenting and the reassurance that love is abundant, even amidst the struggles.
Keyphrase: Challenges of being the favorite parent
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