As I prepare to leave town for a four-day conference, I find myself reflecting on my family—especially my spouse and our two daughters. My youngest is currently in a clingy phase, which means that my departure might be challenging for her. Recently, when I left for an early meeting while she was still asleep, she erupted into an hour-long tantrum. The girls are accustomed to having both parents around, and being on his own will be a considerable task for my husband, as managing children solo for several days can be quite demanding.
Despite these challenges, I have no concerns about my husband. I remember a significant moment from when our oldest was a newborn. My husband embarked on his first solo outing with her, a trip to his parents’ house. I stayed behind, likely focused on grad school deadlines or simply catching up on sleep. He packed a cooler, and off they went. His parents were quite impressed, and afterward, my mother-in-law called me to commend my decision to let him take our daughter alone, saying it would help him become a great father. I remember thinking, “Why is it assumed that I am the one responsible for his capabilities?”
This scenario has occurred multiple times over the past six years, especially recently as I prepared for my trip. People often inquire about how my husband will manage or if he requires assistance. They express concern that he might be “babysitting.” Yet, I firmly believe that he is not “babysitting”; he is actively parenting.
The division of labor in our household may lean toward traditional roles—such as me cooking and him taking out the trash—but when it comes to our children, we strive for equality. We consciously chose to share parenting responsibilities, which we learned about several years ago. I understand that I would carry and breastfeed our children in the early days, but parenting is a journey we both navigate together.
Unfortunately, even years into our parenting journey, people still refer to my husband’s time with the kids as “babysitting.” When I am out without the children, I sometimes hear friends or strangers ask if he is watching them. To my close friends, I confidently state, “No, he is parenting.”
While it’s true that women often take on more household responsibilities, it doesn’t mean that men are inactive. By dismissing fathers’ contributions with labels like “daddy day care,” we risk undermining their efforts and capabilities. My husband is a knowledgeable and capable father. He brings fun and silliness as well as discipline into their lives—just like I do. We are both learning and growing, making mistakes along the way.
Recently, I had multiple evening commitments that coincided with bedtime, which can be a tricky time of day. Knowing I would be out, my youngest curiously asked, “Is Daddy going to babysit us?” Horrified, I gathered both girls for a serious discussion. I explained, “A Mommy is a parent, and a Daddy is a parent. A babysitter is someone who takes care of you when your parents can’t.” My older daughter chimed in with, “A babysitter could be a Mommy or Daddy in their house, right?” I affirmed her point but reiterated, “A Mommy is a parent, and a Daddy is a parent. They are not babysitters. Do you understand?” They nodded, but I wanted to solidify their understanding.
I need them to grasp that their parents are a team. When my husband is with the kids, I have complete trust in his abilities, and he offers me the same. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be off on my journey, and while I will miss them dearly, I won’t be anxious. Instead, I’ll just wish they could join me.
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Summary
This article discusses the importance of recognizing fathers as equal parenting partners, rather than referring to their time with children as “babysitting.” It highlights the shared responsibilities in a family, the need for children to view both parents as caregivers, and the societal assumptions surrounding parenting roles.
Keyphrase: co-parenting
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