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“I love you,” I call out as I close the door behind my teenage daughter, Ava.
“I love you,” she replies nonchalantly, hopping into the waiting car. I watch as she drives away, feeling the urge to stay by the window until she returns, much like a pet left alone. The house is empty again.
Until recently, solitude was a rare indulgence. I would plop down on the couch with a book and a steaming cup of coffee, relishing the rare quiet. Now, however, Ava has reached her teenage years, and her need for independence has grown. She seeks less of my involvement in organizing her life and solving her problems. Although I still yearn to share my wisdom, it is often met with the unmistakable eye-rolls that teenagers have perfected.
It’s frustrating. I devoted countless hours to parenting. When my generation finally settled down, we embraced parenthood with the intensity of a competitive sport—hovering, intervening, capturing and sharing our children’s milestones, intertwining our identities with theirs in ways that previous generations could hardly imagine.
But that phase is now behind me. Parenting, which once felt endless during the chaotic toddler years, has an apparent end, leaving me to navigate what lies ahead. “What about me?” I want to scream every time my daughter leaves, but I refrain. A part of me still possesses enough common sense to understand that life is not going to revert to what I would define as “normal.” I need to heed the advice of weary teens: I must create my own life.
I began exploring the sentiments and actions of other women as their children leave home. Much of what I discovered emphasized leading quieter, more introspective lives, often discussing weight gain and menopause. While I’m aware I’m supposed to express that the impending empty nest is sad and daunting and that I worry about aging, my feelings are more intricate: less reflective and more restless. I feel a surge of excitement at the prospect of embarking on a new chapter in my life.
Though I acknowledge that I might be swimming in denial, I am eager to dive in—both literally (having always wanted to try SCUBA diving) and metaphorically. I look forward to traveling in the fall and winter without the constraints of school schedules and enjoying dinner with my partner without checking the clock, waiting for Ava to dash off to her next activity. After years of focusing inward on family, I can finally lift my gaze and embrace the world outside.
While it’s bittersweet when our kids leave, many of us from my generation are still relatively young—or at least youngish. Once we adjust to the quiet of an empty house, I believe we will become a force for positivity and enjoyment; we cannot spend the rest of our lives reminiscing about our youth and fretting over our weight. This new phase offers a chance to pursue all the adventures we postponed while raising our families: climbing mountains, swimming with dolphins, and transforming our world.
I feel transformed from my younger self and hope I’ve gained wisdom along the way. Parenting has smoothed some of my rough edges and reduced my arrogance. I have a deeper understanding of myself and am less influenced by societal pressures than I was in my earlier years. Adulthood has fostered my independence and diminished my fear of failure, which bodes well for what’s to come.
I also recognize that I might crumble into a puddle of tears when Ava leaves. No one ever told me that an empty nest would be free from emotional complexities.
As Ava flaps her shiny new wings, eager to embark on her journey, I hover nearby, anxious about the dangers that lie ahead, wanting to protect her yet understanding she must spread her wings. My wings may be worn and ragged, but on good days, I feel capable of soaring into the vast world once more. “I love you,” I’ll whisper as she departs. Then, I’ll explore what my seasoned wings can still achieve.
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Summary
This article reflects on the emotional journey of a mother as her teenage daughter gains independence. The author grapples with feelings of loss and the longing for connection, while also expressing excitement for new opportunities that lie ahead. As she adjusts to an empty nest, she recognizes the potential for personal growth and adventure in this new chapter of life.
Keyphrase: empty nest syndrome
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