As we buckle into our seats at the amusement park, the young attendant’s disinterest is palpable, each mechanical click of the safety bar echoing my internal dread. Today has been long; my three-year-old’s wild golden hair is a mess from play, her cheeks flushed from the sun. My partner, Jake, wears the exhaustion of parenting on his face, but there’s a satisfaction in his eyes. Our youngest, Lily, is nearly two and caught in a cycle of playful energy and tiredness; we skipped her nap today in the name of adventure. This ride may be our last.
Click, click, click.
I’m seated directly across from Lily, and her bright smile lights up my world. She waves her fingers at me, a gesture of glee, while I can’t shake the dread of the impending walk back to the car. Click, click, click.
As the roller coaster begins its ascent, I can’t help but reflect on how Lily has grown. I remember her tiny fingers wrapped around mine during feedings, her coos and baby giggles. Now, she’s a whirlwind of energy, challenging us at every turn, unbuckling herself from her high chair and turning seat belts into a game.
Clang, clang, clang.
She likes to escape. I can’t remember how well the attendant secured her.
Clang, clang, clang.
Panic rises within me. I can’t reach her—my baby is high above the ground because I chose to put her there.
Clang, clang, clang.
I see her fidgeting with her seat belt, her tiny legs folding beneath her as she prepares to stand. I’m screaming, but the wind carries away my words.
“Please, Lily, sit down! This isn’t a game.”
I feel helpless as we climb higher, the moment before the drop stretching into eternity. I bang against the safety bar, desperate to reach her.
“Please, my love. Mommy is sorry.”
Just before we reach the peak, she folds her legs back down, a mischievous smile on her face. Though she’s not securely strapped in, she relishes the control she wields over her own safety, and I am powerless to stop it.
Clang, clang, clang.
The ride continues, and with each hill, I plead with her to stay seated. My body aches from the strain of trying to escape, while my mind races with visions of her falling. Each ascent becomes a reminder of my inability to protect her fully.
I thought this ride would be fun, but now, it feels like a twisted reflection of my parenting journey. As we disembark, nausea overwhelms me—not from motion sickness, but from the sheer terror of what I witnessed.
I awaken in my bed, shaking and gasping for breath. The vivid memory of that ride haunts me, but Lily is safe, asleep in her crib, thumb in mouth. I didn’t witness her fall from the wagon earlier that day, yet the fear still grips me. I had been told of the joys of parenthood—those first moments of connection, the smiles and laughter. However, no one prepared me for the sheer terror that accompanies motherhood—the endless worries about choking, accidents, broken hearts, or the dangers that lurk in the world.
If you’re a parent, you know that fear means you care. It signifies that you’re invested. And me? I’m petrified.
The incident with Lily—a tumble out of a toy wagon into a puddle—had me shaken. Jake described it vividly, his usual calm demeanor replaced with alarm. Although she was perfectly fine, the thought of losing her gripped my heart.
I worry that my fears and anxieties will pass down to my children, that they will inherit my impulsiveness and tendency to trust too easily. The world is filled with uncertainties, and I can’t change that. But I can equip my daughters to navigate it, fostering their curiosity and answering their questions honestly.
Parenthood is inherently terrifying; we’re all strapped in for the ride, and our children won’t always be within reach. Our fears are what make us truly invested in their safety and happiness. The highs are exhilarating, the lows can be crushing. But every moment, every fearful heartbeat, reminds us of how vividly alive we truly are.
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In summary, the journey of parenthood is filled with unexpected fears and challenges. While we celebrate the joyful moments, we must also acknowledge the deep-rooted anxieties that come with raising children. Our love and investment in their safety is what makes the ride worth it.
Keyphrase: The terrors of parenthood
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