In my household, my children enjoy M&Ms on a daily basis. Yes, I consciously offer them M&Ms. Why do I choose to provide my kids with sugary treats and artificial colorings, even when they may contribute to hyperactivity or other health concerns? The answer is simple: sometimes, M&Ms serve as an effective tool for encouraging my children to use the toilet, remain seated in the car, tidy up their toys, have dinner, and maintain a semblance of quiet.
This may sound like bribery, but for me, it’s a practical strategy.
As a mother with over two decades of experience, I’ve witnessed a significant transformation in parenting discourse. From the early days of the Internet, when it was still a novelty and not widely utilized, to the current atmosphere where being offline is practically a statement of defiance, the landscape has changed dramatically.
The Internet has its merits—Dr. Google can alleviate concerns about a rash, and I’ve found comfort in knowing other parents face similar challenges. However, it can also foster a culture of shaming. For instance, if you didn’t choose to cloth diaper, you’re suddenly accused of contributing to global warming, and if you opted not to breastfeed, your child’s future intelligence might be called into question.
Recently, Yahoo launched the #noshameparenting campaign, which is a refreshing initiative for parents grappling with guilt. It’s a topic worth revisiting, as the pressure to conform to parenting ideals is relentless. Articles proclaiming the dangers of screen time, for example, often overshadow any reassurance that it’s acceptable for kids to watch television.
Shame is counterproductive; it stifles open dialogue and pushes parents into hiding, fearful of judgment.
Here’s a brief guide on what should or shouldn’t induce shame in parenting:
- DO NOT feel guilty about feeding your baby formula, breast milk, or even goat milk—nutrition comes in many forms.
DO feel guilty about giving chocolate milk to an infant; it’s unnecessary. - DO NOT feel ashamed for turning your child’s car seat around once they meet the weight limit.
DO feel ashamed if you neglect to use a car seat altogether; that’s irresponsible. - DO NOT feel bad about allowing your child to watch educational programs like PBS.
DO feel guilty if you let them watch Caillou; that show is universally despised for encouraging whining. - DO NOT feel remorse for using either cloth or disposable diapers.
DO feel guilty if your toddler’s potty training leads to accidents on a neighbor’s floor—unacceptable behavior. - DO NOT feel you must read a bedtime story every night; life is hectic.
DO feel guilty if your choice of bedtime reading is something inappropriate, like Stephen King’s Carrie. - DO NOT feel bad for treating your child to a large McDonald’s French fry; they are, after all, made from potatoes.
DO feel guilty if kale is the only food on their plate—cruelty, indeed.
In the grand scheme of parenting, day-to-day choices often aren’t worth the stress they generate. The judgmental parent you encounter likely hasn’t yet experienced a long car ride with a cranky toddler.
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In summary, parental shaming complicates the already challenging journey of raising children. Embracing a more supportive and understanding approach can help alleviate unnecessary pressures and promote a healthier parenting experience.
Keyphrase: parental shaming
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