November 2, 2023
As I prepare to leave town for a four-day conference, I can’t help but feel a mix of emotions. I’ll miss my little ones and my partner, Jason. My youngest is currently in a particularly clingy phase, and I know from experience that my absence can lead to some pretty intense meltdowns. Just last week, when I left for an early meeting before she woke up, she threw a tantrum that lasted a full hour. Both girls are accustomed to having both of us around, so it’s going to be a challenge for Jason to manage alone, especially since caring for children is no small feat.
However, I have complete confidence in him. When our oldest was just a baby, Jason ventured alone to his parents’ house with her for the first time—his inaugural daddy-daughter road trip. I was busy with grad school deadlines and couldn’t join them. He packed a cooler with her bottles and set off, and to this day, I remember my mother-in-law’s call. She praised me for allowing Jason to take that step, claiming that I was helping him become a wonderful father. My response was firm: he’s a great father because of who he is, not because of me. It struck me then, and it still does, why is it assumed that I’m the one who made him this way?
This conversation has resurfaced multiple times over the years, especially as my trip approaches. People often ask if I’m worried about Jason managing the kids on his own or if he needs assistance. My answer is always the same: I trust him completely.
Yes, we might have a division of labor in our household—I’m usually the one cooking while he handles the trash—but when it comes to parenting, we strive for equal involvement. This was a conscious choice we made after learning about shared parenting concepts. We understood that while I would carry and nourish our children in the early days, we were both in this journey together, side by side.
Yet, even after years of co-parenting, I still hear comments like, “Is he babysitting the kids?” when someone sees him alone with them. If I’m out during a time typically spent with the children, friends might ask if their dad is “watching” them. My closest friends know better, and I respond with conviction: “No, he’s parenting.”
While it’s true that women still tend to take on more household responsibilities, men are actively engaged too. When we belittle fathers by calling their time with the kids “daddy daycare,” we risk undermining their contributions. Jason is a dedicated, intelligent father who brings joy and structure to our daughters’ lives. He can be silly and fun, just as I can, and like all parents, we both make mistakes.
Recently, I had a series of evening events that kept me out during bedtime. My youngest asked, “Is Daddy going to babysit us?” I was taken aback and knew I had to address this misunderstanding. I gathered the girls and explained, “A Mommy is a parent, and a Daddy is a parent. A babysitter is someone who looks after you when your parents can’t.” They seemed to get it, but I wanted to reinforce the point. “So, who is a Mommy?” I asked. My oldest jokingly replied, “A babysitter!” I corrected her, and thankfully, my youngest chimed in, “A Mommy is a parent!” I need them to understand that both of us are committed to their care and that we trust each other, despite any outside messages they might hear.
Tomorrow morning, I’ll be on a flight at 6 a.m. While I’ll miss my family terribly, I won’t worry about them. I’ll just be wishing they were joining me!
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In summary, parenting is a shared responsibility, and it’s vital to recognize that fathers are not babysitters—they are essential co-parents who deserve respect and trust in their roles.
Keyphrase: co-parenting
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