I’m the proud mom of two wonderful boys—two joyful, healthy, and bright little ones. Yet, it seems that on a nearly daily basis, someone feels entitled to ask me if I’m planning to try for a girl. This question is not only inconsiderate, but also presumptuous and frankly, quite hurtful. So, let’s put an end to it.
When did it become socially acceptable for strangers to question parents about their satisfaction with their children? Just three weeks after my youngest son was born, we visited a restaurant. The first thing the waiter said upon seeing my newborn dressed in blue was, “So, are you going to try for the girl next?” At that moment, I was still recovering from childbirth and not only did I feel overwhelmed, but I was also hit with the reminder of what I didn’t have—a daughter.
Yes, I envisioned having a girl; I longed for it deeply. I even penned an article expressing my hopes. Each time someone asks if I’m “going for the girl,” it feels like a punch to the gut, reminding me of the daughter I always dreamed of having. I think about the moments I would have shared—braiding her hair, sharing stories of strong women in history, and helping her choose a wedding dress someday. So, thank you for that, strangers.
What’s even more concerning is how this dialogue affects my sons. My youngest is nearly five. When he hears people ask if I’m trying for a girl, what must he think? Does he feel inadequate just because he isn’t a girl? I always emphasize how incredible my boys are, but I worry that he might internalize the idea that only daughters are desirable.
I consider myself fortunate to have two children. During my older son’s emergency c-section, I learned that I have a uterine anomaly—I only have half a functional uterus, which means I am incredibly lucky to have been able to have two pregnancies. Even on rough days, I remind myself of how miraculous my children are. Many women with similar conditions struggle with infertility. So, do I want to try for a girl? Honestly, I’m not even sure I could get pregnant again, even if I wished for another child.
But what if I did want a third child and faced infertility? I never had to explore fertility options, but what about those who did? What about women who have experienced miscarriages or lost children? The pain of their losses is something I can barely fathom. How devastating must it be for them to hear questions that remind them of what they’ve lost, especially if they had hoped for a daughter?
Ultimately, my reproductive choices are my own. I’m an open person—I write personal essays and share them online—but discussing my choices with strangers is not something I welcome. I don’t want to laugh off a serious and sensitive topic or have to justify my sons’ genders or my decision regarding a third child.
So, the next time you see a parent at the park, try asking something neutral instead. Avoid questions like whether parents of boys wish for a girl, or vice versa, and steer clear of inquiries about when a family plans to expand. You never know what journey that family has been on, and it’s simply none of your business.
For more insights into pregnancy and fertility journeys, check out this post. If you’re interested in home insemination options, this authority on the topic can provide valuable information. And for a thorough resource on pregnancy week-by-week, visit March of Dimes.
Summary
In summary, the intrusive question of whether someone is planning to try for a girl is not only inappropriate but can be deeply hurtful. Parents should be celebrated for their children, regardless of gender, and discussions about family planning should remain private. Instead of asking personal questions, let’s focus on more positive and supportive conversations.
Keyphrase: Stop Asking About Gender Preferences in Parenting
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