The last time I was intimate was on my son’s first birthday, and he just celebrated his fourth. As he blew out the candles on his cake, I found myself silently celebrating my own milestone: “Happy three years without sex.” Back then, my relationship with my son’s father was still intact, but as time went by, things began to unravel. My friends kept telling me I needed to “get laid,” believing that a casual fling could solve everything. But I knew better—sex wasn’t the answer to my problems.
As a nearly 30-year-old single mom, I simply lacked the motivation to seek out physical intimacy. Honestly, sex was the last thing on my mind. With the whirlwind of responsibilities that came with motherhood, I shut that part of myself off. Now, three years in, I still find myself conflicted about my feelings regarding sex.
Abstaining from intimacy is surprisingly easy when you’re a single mom to a young child. The sheer exhaustion made it hard to realize what I was missing. I had no time for dating, especially with a little one who was very attached to me. Living with my parents didn’t help either; it was uncomfortable to navigate their questions about my personal life, especially as a single mom.
After my breakup, I was in a dark place, and no amount of physical relations would have fixed my mental state. Instead, I threw myself into my career, often working long, unpredictable hours. Even if I had wanted to meet someone, I was too tired for it. As my writing career began to flourish, I started feeling better about myself, putting more effort into my appearance and even socializing a bit. There was a night out when a charming guy showed interest, but all I felt was a wave of nausea. I realized that even though I was improving my self-esteem, I still wasn’t ready for sex or a relationship. My friends joked about me needing to get back out there, but I firmly told them to back off and stop making me feel inadequate for my choices—honesty among friends is invaluable.
Many couldn’t fathom how I could turn off my sexual side so easily, but for me, it wasn’t particularly difficult. Sex had never been a monumental part of my life. While I enjoy it, my true interest lies in companionship, where attraction naturally follows. The idea of casual sex doesn’t resonate with me, and I’m not looking to form attachments right now. So, for the moment, sex is off the table.
Truthfully? I’ve started to genuinely appreciate the life I’m building. I’m content with my work, my friendships, and my relationship with my son. I don’t feel the need to focus on attracting anyone. I enjoy going without makeup, wearing comfortable clothes, and simply being myself. By 10 PM, I’m ready to call it a night; the thought of partying and finding someone to hook up with just doesn’t appeal to me. Sure, if someone came along, I might be open to it, but I’m not actively searching.
Let’s be real—dating again sounds a bit terrifying. I’m in my early 30s, and my life isn’t where I envisioned it to be. The idea of being intimate with someone new is daunting. After being with the same person for four years, my body has changed. I’m not sure if I have the stamina to juggle my responsibilities as a mother and a career while also being attentive to a new partner.
Not to mention, figuring out childcare logistics for a night out is overwhelming.
In theory, flirting with attractive guys sounds fun, but honestly, I’d rather return to my cozy bed, indulge in ice cream straight from the carton, and binge-watch my favorite shows. A brief kiss might be nice, but full-on intimacy? That feels like too much right now. My hesitation shows I’m not ready, and that’s perfectly fine.
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Summary
As a single mom, I’ve found peace in my life without sex for three years. The exhaustion of parenting and the challenges of personal relationships have led me to prioritize my career and well-being. While my friends encourage me to explore dating, I’ve realized that intimacy isn’t a priority for me right now. Embracing my current lifestyle brings me fulfillment, and I’m okay with the choices I’ve made.
Keyphrase: Single Mom’s Journey Without Intimacy
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