Parenting Insights
By Lila Thompson
Updated: May 27, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 31, 2015
I have to admit, I’m not a fan of my son’s future partner. The thought of him spending festive occasions with her family doesn’t sit well with me, nor do I appreciate how he will likely prioritize her wishes over mine.
Sure, my son is only ten years old, so there’s no partner in sight yet. But I like to think ahead. I often bring this up in conversations with other mothers of sons. When I share my preemptive feelings of resentment towards the unknown woman he will eventually marry, I get a mix of reactions. Some offer a sympathetic nod, while others chime in with the age-old saying, “A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for life.” (I have a daughter too, and I know she’ll always be close, but that’s a different story).
Then, there are those who disagree. They say things like, “You have to let them grow up,” “We all have to move on,” or even, “I absolutely adore my daughter-in-law!” At those moments, I give them a look akin to someone being asked to explore a dark basement at midnight.
So, when my son hopped off the bus one day, clutching a piece of paper with a serious expression, I knew something was brewing.
“I have something to tell you,” he said. He revealed he had a crush on a girl, and with her moving away soon, he wanted to call her. Instead of panicking or feeling upset, I found myself genuinely thrilled for him. Trying to appear calm, I replied, “Alright, let’s do this.”
I watched as he dialed her number, his face serious with concentration. He was polite, using “ma’am” and “please,” and I felt an unexpected thrill when her mother said he could talk to her. He celebrated with a little fist pump, ready to embark on his first phone chat with a girl. “So—(long pause)—how’s your family?” he stammered, and I couldn’t help but chuckle from my hiding spot.
Two days later, I drove her home after school, and we stopped for ice cream. I paid and then discreetly positioned myself in a corner, pretending I wasn’t part of their world as they shared giggles and treats. The sight brought tears to my eyes. My son was beaming, and in that moment, I had an epiphany. I realized I had been selfish, viewing his growth and relationships as a loss for me, rather than a win for him.
His achievements—hitting a baseball, acing a test, getting invited to parties—bring me immense joy. His happiness is my happiness. It struck me how I had overlooked the beauty of him experiencing those first flutters of young love, the thrill of finding companionship, and ultimately the joy of sharing his life with someone special.
His father is my everything, and navigating parenthood together is a blend of challenges and rewards that I want my son to experience too.
Even now, he still dances with me in the bathroom, twirling me while belting out tunes. He hugs me tightly, proclaiming his love, and jokingly pokes my stomach asking if I’m expecting another baby. Each night, as we lay side by side, our heads on the same pillow, I’m overwhelmed by the depth of my love for him. It’s a bittersweet feeling as time rushes by, filled with precious memories.
I’ve come to believe that the woman who eventually wins his heart will be incredibly fortunate. She’s no longer a thief stealing him away; instead, she’s a partner in his journey.
So, if this letter happens to reach her in the future, wondering how to keep her quirky mother-in-law happy, here’s my tip: Christmas at our place! Welcome to the family.