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What About Me?
Updated: July 29, 2016
Originally Published: Oct. 31, 2015
“I love you!” I shout, closing the door behind my teenage daughter, Claire.
“I love you!” she replies nonchalantly, hopping into the car that’s waiting for her. I watch as she drives away, my heart tugging at the thought of her independence. I turn away from the window, even though I’d love to remain there until she returns, like a lonely dog waiting for its owner. The house is quiet.
Once upon a time, having the house to myself felt like a rare treat. I would lounge on the couch with a book and a steaming cup of coffee, savoring the stillness. But now that Claire is a teenager, she craves independence and doesn’t rely on me as much anymore. My role as her main organizer and problem-solver has diminished, and my attempts to share my hard-won wisdom are often met with the classic teenage eye-roll.
It hardly seems fair. I dedicated years to parenting. When my generation finally chose to settle down, we embraced parenthood with the fervor of a competitive sport. We hovered, intervened, documented every milestone, and intertwined our identities with our children’s in ways that would have shocked previous generations.
Now, that chapter seems to be closing. What once felt like an endless journey through the chaos of toddlerhood now appears to have a clear endpoint. I find myself grappling with the question, “What about me?” every time Claire leaves the house. But despite my self-pity, I realize that life won’t revert to what I wish was “normal.” Instead, I must heed the advice of teenagers everywhere: it’s time for me to rediscover myself.
I began exploring how other women cope as their children leave home. Much of what I discovered revolved around leading quieter lives, often accompanied by discussions about weight gain and menopause. I’m expected to express sadness and fear at the thought of an empty nest and the inevitable aging process.
While I do feel some of that, my emotions are more complex: they are restless mixed with a bubbling excitement for this unexpected opportunity to start anew.
I acknowledge that I might be in denial, yet I feel ready to dive into new experiences—literally (I’ve always wanted to try SCUBA diving) and figuratively. I look forward to traveling in the fall and winter without the constraints of school schedules and enjoying dinner with my husband without the constant check of the clock, waiting for Claire to rush off to her next activity. After years of focusing inward, it’s time for me to lift my gaze to the possibilities beyond.
It’s bittersweet when children leave home, but many of us from my generation are still relatively young. Once we navigate the shock of an empty house, I believe we’ll embrace this new phase of life with energy and enthusiasm. We can’t spend the rest of our lives reminiscing about our youth or fretting over our waistlines. We now have the chance to pursue all the adventures we set aside while raising our kids—whether it’s climbing mountains, swimming with dolphins, or making a real impact in the world.
I feel different than I did in my younger years, having gleaned wisdom from my parenting journey. It has softened some of my sharper edges and made me more humble. I understand myself better now, and I’m less swayed by external pressures than I was when I was desperate to fit in. Adulthood has fostered my independence and lessened my fear of failure, which bodes well for my future.
I also recognize that I might dissolve into tears when Claire finally leaves. It’s a complicated transition. Now, she’s ready to spread her wings, eager to embrace her own journey, while I hover nearby, anxious about the unknown dangers but knowing she must take flight. My own wings may be a bit battered, but on good days, I feel ready to soar again.
“I love you,” I’ll whisper as she takes off. Then, I’ll see what my wings can still do.
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In summary, as our children transition to independence, we face a complex mix of emotions—from sadness to excitement—about the new chapter in our lives. With the right mindset, we can embrace this opportunity and rediscover ourselves.
Keyphrase: Empty Nest Transition
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