Parenting is no easy feat, and the presence of shame only complicates things further. As a parent, I’ve made choices that might raise eyebrows—like giving my kids M&Ms on a daily basis. Yes, I admit it. Those colorful little candies are a staple in my household. Why? Because sometimes, sugar is a quick fix for getting my kids to cooperate—whether that’s using bribery to get them to sit in their car seats, eat their dinner, or simply be quiet for a moment.
I’ve been a parent for over 20 years now—long enough to witness the evolution of parenting norms and the rise of the Internet as a playground for judgment. Back in the mid-’90s, the online world was just starting out, and today, being offline might as well be a political statement. While the Internet offers a wealth of information (thank you, Dr. Google, for calming my fears about my toddler’s cheek rash), it also breeds guilt: if you didn’t breastfeed, your child might be doomed to mediocrity; if you choose not to cloth diaper, you’re somehow contributing to the demise of the planet.
Recently, Yahoo launched the #noshameparenting initiative, which is a refreshing reminder that guilt doesn’t have to be part of the parenting experience. I’ve penned several articles on guilt-free parenting, yet the topic is always worth revisiting. No matter how many times we hear that allowing our kids to watch TV is perfectly fine, new studies pop up claiming it stunts brain development and creates future super-villains.
Let’s face it: shame doesn’t help. It prevents us from being honest and makes us want to retreat, fearing judgment from others who may think we’re failing at this parenting gig.
Here’s a quick guide to what you should and shouldn’t feel ashamed of as a parent:
- DO NOT be ashamed of using formula for your baby. Whether it’s breast milk, goat milk formula, or donated breast milk, nutrition is essential.
- DO be ashamed of giving your baby chocolate milk. That’s just not necessary for an 8-month-old.
- DO NOT be ashamed of turning your infant’s car seat forward-facing if they meet the weight requirement. They don’t need to rear-face until five, despite what some Facebook posts claim.
- DO be ashamed if you don’t use a car seat at all. That’s a serious safety issue.
- DO NOT feel bad about letting your child watch educational programming. Shows like PBS can actually support their learning.
- DO be ashamed if you let them watch Caillou. Seriously, that show is the epitome of annoying.
- DO NOT be ashamed of giving your toddler Benadryl for a runny nose so they can sleep. Sleep is crucial for everyone.
- DO be ashamed of giving them alcohol. That crosses the line into abuse.
- DO NOT feel guilty about skipping bath night. A little dirt never hurt anyone, though you might consider tossing them in a pool instead.
- DO be ashamed if they go too long without a bath. We don’t need any unintentional ecosystems developing in their hair.
- DO NOT feel bad about using either cloth or disposable diapers. In the end, they’re all just holding poop.
- DO be ashamed if you’re practicing elimination communication but your toddler is pooping on your neighbor’s floor. That’s just rude.
- DO NOT feel guilty for not having time to read bedtime stories. But do be careful about what story you choose if you do read—Stephen King’s Carrie might not be the best choice for little ones.
And yes, DO NOT be ashamed of treating your kids to fast food occasionally. After all, potatoes are a vegetable, right?
DO be ashamed if kale is their only food source. That’s just plain cruel.
In the grand scheme of parenting, most of our daily choices aren’t worth agonizing over. The next time you feel judged by another mom, remember she may not have had to endure a two-hour car ride with a screaming toddler.
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In conclusion, let’s focus on supporting each other rather than shaming one another. Parenting is challenging enough without the added burden of guilt.
Keyphrase: Parenting without shame
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