Lately, I’ve been reminding my 10-year-old, Max, that while it’s completely okay for him to dislike tasks like homework or tidying up his room, he still has to tackle them. Ironically, I find myself needing to take that advice to heart because I’m currently on my third gentle reminder from my son’s special education teacher to complete the (oh-so-dreaded) Parent Intake Form. And it’s only been a week!
Ah, the familiar autumn routine is back—those questions that make my heart race, like, “Do you feel your child will be his/her own legal guardian?” (Definitely not) and “What are your hopes and dreams for your child’s future?” (Honestly, I don’t know, and I’d rather not dwell on it). This September marked a significant transition for Lucy as she moved up to a junior and senior high school designed for teenagers and young adults with special needs. Clearly, my habit of putting off this form-filling task isn’t going to be tolerated any longer.
Ugh, why do I loathe these forms so much? It’s not just the answers I struggle with, but the reality they represent. Each year, I’m forced to confront the fact that Lucy’s challenges are profound. Most likely, she will need care that can only be provided by her dad and me, whether at home or in a specialized facility. While she might be able to hold a job, it will require constant supervision. As she approaches 17, we’ll need to start making plans for when she turns 18 and requires us to be her legal guardians. The truth is, there’s no way she’ll ever manage on her own.
Lucy’s abilities have always been unpredictable. Some days, she can dress herself and prepare a snack. Other days, she screams nonsensical phrases, and it’s only when you see her that you realize she’s expressing something like, “My baby elephant lost his hat,” while her head is stuck in her shirt, needing assistance.
In moments like these, I find it hard to empathize with parents of children who have special needs but fall into the “quirky” category—those who receive support in school but will ultimately be independent. I don’t want to hear platitudes about understanding what I’m going through because they simply don’t. Just as I can’t fully grasp the struggles of parents whose children can do things Lucy cannot.
So, these forms are a painful reminder that I must put into writing what I already know deep down: as extraordinary as Lucy is, she is profoundly disabled. I may project confidence, but beneath the surface, I hold onto the hope that one day she’ll achieve all the milestones her brothers, my niece, and my nephews will reach.
Once a year, I confront the version of myself I’d rather keep hidden—the self-pitying, frustrated special needs mom that I manage to mask throughout the rest of the year. I sincerely hope she fades away for good. Until then, I will begrudgingly fill out the form, apologizing to the teacher for my delays and expressing my gratitude for her understanding. The only acknowledgment I’ll give to my hidden self will come at the last question. For the third year in a row, I will answer: “In which career(s) or specific job(s) has your child expressed interest?” My response? “Lucy wishes to be a princess. We understand there are limited openings, but we believe if anyone can make it happen, it’s her.”
And so, once again, that will be the one answer I genuinely believe.
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In summary, facing the realities of parenting a child with special needs is a challenging journey filled with complex emotions. Each year brings its own set of forms and questions that force us to confront the truth about our children’s capabilities and futures. Yet, amid the struggle, there are moments of hope and a recognition of the unique potential that every child holds.
Keyphrase: embracing the truth about special needs parenting
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