By: Jamie Turner
Updated: Oct. 23, 2015
Originally Published: Oct. 23, 2015
As I sit in my car, parked just outside the local convenience store, the ATM is only a few steps away. It’s 9:45 a.m. on a Thursday—the calm before the lunchtime rush—and only a handful of customers are around, some filling their tanks while others pop in for a quick snack or an energy drink.
I ponder my options: Should I wake up my two little ones from their peaceful slumber, wrestle them out of their car seats, and brave the chaotic expedition into the store to grab cash? Or, should I leave them snoozing in the backseat, lock the doors, and use the remote starter to keep the air conditioning humming while I sneak a peek from the window?
I’ve never truly gone through with leaving them in the car, though I’ve imagined it countless times. The thought of a quick, 30-second transaction versus the lengthy ordeal of getting two kids in and out of their seats is tempting. But every time I consider it, I hesitate—what if my older child wakes up and notices my absence? What if the car suddenly overheats? What if someone decides to steal my vehicle with my precious cargo inside?
But the most significant reason I refrain from doing it? The fear that a stranger might see my kids through the tinted windows and, upon my return, scold me for endangering them. Or worse, they could summon the authorities, painting me as a negligent parent.
As I sit there, engulfed in these ridiculous scenarios, it dawns on me just how much the fear of being judged by random individuals influences the way I parent in public. This leads me to wonder: What kind of parent would I be if there were no eyes watching?
I genuinely ponder this question. Would I let my older child munch on a banana without weighing it at the store? Would I skip the incessant chatter with my uninterested baby just to please others? Or would my choices veer into more controversial territory—like sipping a glass of wine while nursing in front of a crowded restaurant? If I’m being totally honest, I’d say yes to all of these, and without an audience, I wouldn’t feel guilty about it.
So, why do I allow strangers to dictate my parenting choices? I suspect it’s a mix of various factors. We’re living in an era where parents are constantly judged, scrutinized in the court of public opinion. There’s always someone ready to shout that they would have made a better choice, as if there’s a single correct path in every scenario.
Additionally, those judgmental onlookers see only a fleeting moment of my life as a parent, not the full story. It’s why I glance over my shoulder when I hand my phone to my son during a meltdown at a restaurant or allow him to munch on fast food at a game. Those are the moments I swore I’d avoid, yet here I am, fearing judgment for my choices.
As I dash into the gas station and hurriedly hit the ATM buttons (fast cash, no receipt), I find myself consumed with anxiety—not about my children nestled in the air-conditioned car, but about the stranger just a few feet away who might uncover my secret. If she weren’t there, I’d feel secure in my decision. Yet, her presence amplifies my worries, and I realize how often I let an oblivious stranger influence my actions, or at least make me feel guilty about them.
This leads to a thought: If a mother leaves her child in a locked car, and no one is around to judge her, does she still feel conflicted about her choice?
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In conclusion, my parenting decisions often come under the scrutiny of those around me, but the question remains: How much do I allow that judgment to shape my choices?
Keyphrase: The Kind of Parent I’d Be If No One Was Watching
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