What if I could create a schedule and actually follow it? What if I could rise with the sun? What if I could drift off to sleep at a reasonable hour? If I could sort all this out, then I could rest when it’s time to rest and be alert when it’s time to work. Seems simple, right?
What if I could nourish my body with wholesome food? I wouldn’t feel bloated or lethargic, and I wouldn’t find myself craving unhealthy fast food. If I had fresh, organic options readily available, I wouldn’t be tempted by the convenience of junk. I could savor the goodness of homegrown produce and homemade meals.
What if I could arrive at work on time and focus without distractions? I wouldn’t feel the pressure of leaving tasks half-done or the guilt of abandoning my colleagues. Weekends could truly feel like a break instead of a race against unfinished work.
What if I could tidy up my home? If everything were in its place, I could actually find what I need. Bills would be paid promptly, laundry would be done, and I wouldn’t discover my cat indulging in a forbidden snack or my kittens playing with the recycling.
If I could carve out time for exercise, rise early to stretch or do yoga, I would feel less tense and more flexible. I’d feel healthier and more at ease, banishing those persistent headaches and the worry of grinding my teeth at night.
What if I just took my vitamins? It would be easier to forgive myself for not drinking enough milk or getting in my veggies. I truly want to eat nourishing foods like vibrant salads, grilled chicken, and juicy fruits. But preparing them takes time that I just don’t have. Is it circular reasoning to think that if I had time, I’d eat better?
Time slips away like sand through my fingers. If I just sat up straight, I wouldn’t be hunched over like an old woman before my time. If I could stop chewing on the skin around my nails, stretch out my back, and release those knots.
If I had the time to style my hair, I’d feel more confident. If I remembered to use lotion at night, my hands would be softer. If I whitened my teeth and flossed more regularly, I could have a brighter smile. And if I donned that fabulous red lipstick, I’d feel more alluring—if only I could find it buried in my purse beneath a pile of receipts and crumbs.
This life can feel overwhelming. How can I find a spiritual balance amidst the chaos? Which priorities can I let slide? Being punctual? Maintaining my appearance? Prioritizing my health? Keeping everyone else on track?
If I could develop the ideal schedule, I’d have time to tend to my plants, bake bread, work on my novels, embrace spontaneous spiritual moments, and foster intimacy with my husband—showing him that my love remains steadfast despite my exhaustion. I’d avoid getting sick while managing the unique needs of each child, without feeling like a martyr.
I’m weary. I want it all, yet things fall through the cracks. My home is cluttered; I didn’t make any jam or pick blackberries. I’ve gained weight since returning to work, glued to my chair for hours without exercising. My once-vibrant houseplants have turned into sad, lifeless sticks. I keep apologizing for my shortcomings, but do people really care? Who’s really in control here? Is it me? Is it just me?
What if it’s all in my head? What if it’s not? What’s truly possible? If oneness is what I long for—with my husband, my world, my body and spirit, my faith—can balance exist within that? Is there a magic schedule that can accommodate all my needs? And if not, which of these “requirements” can I release?
For more insights on navigating parenting and self-care, check out our other blog post about couples’ fertility journeys. Also, if you’re exploring options in home insemination, this at-home insemination kit is a great resource. For further information on pregnancy, Healthline offers excellent resources.